Woman jokes

I’ve been looking for my ex girlfriend’s killer for the past two years. But no one would do it.

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My girlfriend lives a few miles away from me. The other night, she called me at around 3 AM. She was terrified. She said that there were two armed gunmen in her apartment. With all that adrenaline going through my system, it made it hard to go back to sleep.

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I was talking to this absolutely gorgeous woman, and I asked her, “what do you do?” And she said, “I’m a brain surgeon.” And I don’t know if this makes me sexist or not, but I was really impressed. Most women can’t pull off sarcasm

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An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet-Polish friendship, to be called “Lenin in Poland.” When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests. The painting depicts Lenin’s wife naked in bed with Leon Trotsky.

“But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin? ” Asks one of the guests.

“Lenin is in Poland,” replies the painter.

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Boy: my girlfriend didn’t dump me, I dumped her…

Off the nearby cliff

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What’s the worst part of Breaking up with a Japanese girl?

You have to drop the bomb twice until she finally gets it.

I have a problem my dad any my girlfriend have the same birthday. So one took my virginity and the other is my girlfriend

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My wife said if I don’t get of the computer shes gonna slam my head in to the keyboard but I think I’ll ajlkfsdhnvkwr;anhf

My wife left me for an Indian guy. – I know he’s going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.

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My girlfriend asked me if we could have anal sex and I said what’s that, she said I f@ck her ass, I said oh my uncle calls that shhhhh

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I cought my girlfriend cheating on me, with our dad.

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My girlfriend treats me like God. – She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.

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A man walks into a bar and orders three shots. “Long day?” the bartender asks. “Well… My oldest son just came out…” The man finishes the shots and leaves the bar. The next day, the man comes back and orders four shots. “What now?” the bartender asks. “My middle son just came out.” The man finishes his drinks and leaves. He comes back the next day and orders five shots. “Again?” the bartender asks. “Yeah. My youngest son.” He drinks his shots and leaves. The next day, he comes in again. This time, he orders ten shots. “My God! Is there anyone in your family that likes girls? ?” the bartender asks. “Yeah… My wife.”

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“I’m not sure why my girlfriend’s father doesn’t like me.”

“What was your first impression on him?”

“I told him, she calls me daddy too.”

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Why did the orphan not have a girlfriend?

Because he thought that she would leave him to.

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Do you know what’s the difference between a knife and a girl’s argument

A knife has a point

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I haven’t talked to my wife in three weeks. – I didn’t want to interrupt her.

A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in Grade 3… The boy said, “Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she’s in Grade 4”.

The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal.The principal decided to test the boy

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