Priest jokes

There was a man named, Matt, that went to the church to confess one of his most recent sins. He told the priest, I am here to tell you my sins. He was all for it and said go ahead.

Matt, “Father, Last night I almost cheated on my wife”

Priest, “how so?”

Matt, “We were together naked, but we didn’t do anything just rubbed each other, that’s all”

Priest, " RUBBING TOGETHER IS THE SAME THING AS PUTTING IT IN! for your sins you must never see that woman again and put $50 in the donation box"

Matt, “okay i promise not to see her again”

Then Matt walks out the door

Priest, “Hey I saw you! you didn’t put any money in the donation box!!”

Matt, “Yes I did, I took the money and rubbed it against the box because you said rubbing it is the same thing as putting it in”

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What’s the difference between a peanut and a priest?

With a peanut, you have to break the shell open for the nut to come out.

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What do you call a sex offender attending church? A priest

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What’s the similarity between Catholic Priests and Mcdonalds? They both like sticking there meat in 6 year old buns.

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Girl: daddy ive been a bad girl priest: for the last time its father I have sinned

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Have you heard of the new sequel to “the exorcist”?

A woman hires the devil to get a priest out of her son

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What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?

— Their balls are just for decoration.

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What do u call a preist in a room full of naked boys a Colonoscopy

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Johnny is walking along and a priest is coming the other way. Johnny says, “Hey, mister, why are you wearing your collar backwards?” The priest says, “Because I’m a father.” Johnny says, “Yeah? Well, my old man’s got three kids and he don’t wear his collar backwards.” The priest says “You don’t understand, son. I have thousands of children. ” Johnny says, “You should wear your f@ckin’ trousers backwards.”

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Prst

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What do you call a reverse exorsism. It’s where a demon pulls a priest out of a child

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Man walks up to a priest. The man says “I am Jesus Christ.” The priest says “No you are not my son.” The man says " Follow me. " The man walks into the bar and the bartender says “Jesus Christ your back!”

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3 nuns are talking and the first nun says, “u would never believe what i discovered.” intrigued, the other to signal her to continue. " i found a phone in the priests room." said the first nun. “oh thats nothing said the second one, i found condoms in one of his drawers.” said the second one. " what did u do with them." said the first nun. pridefully the second nun responds with, " i poked holes in all of them." and the third nun says, “oh sh*t…”

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What does a priest hold on to when having sex. He holds on to the schoolbag.

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