Самое популярное 14 July

I punched an orphan and told him to go back to his parents and tell them about it… oh wait

What do you do when your dish washer stops working

Hit your wife harder

Why do black men have nightmares?

Because the only one that had a dream got shot.

You know why I don’t buy Velcro items anymore?

They are a total rip off.

Where did the software developer go?! I don’t know, he ransomware!

So i saw two homeless people on the road fight i said stop fighting and go home i gess it was a little insensitive

Jack and rose went on a cruise to do it in the water. jack seldom wore a condom, and now they have a daughter.

I pushed an orphan in a wheelchair into a fire and yelled hot wheels

Doctor: you’ll be at peace soon, sir. Me: what am I dying? Doctor: no your wife is.

Kid: hey dad whats dark humor? Dad: go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him. Kid: but dad I dont have any legs or arms. Dad: exactly son.

What’s Thanos’ favorite game? Half-life

When you have an ex you will notice that the word ex is short for exicuted so thats there for yous

A man boards a plane with six children of various ages.

After the plane takes off, a woman sitting sitting behind the man asks him, “are all of them yours?”

“No,” the man responds. “I work for a condom company and these are some of the customer complaints.”

It’s all fun and games until someone fails at becoming superman.

Give Kobe a plane ticket, he’ll fly for the trip, but give Kobe a helicopter and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.

I’M GOING TO HELL FOR THIS!!!

If gay means happy then i am now straight

A news headline read: A toddler has shot a person every week in the US for two years straight He was in the infantry

So, Satan is in the delivery room having a child. Soon, a feathered creature comes out. “Doctor,” say Satan. “What is it?” The doctor sighs. “Well, it’s not a boy, and it’s not a girl.” Satan looks frustrated. “THEN WHAT IS IT?!?!?” The doctor looks up. “It’s a goose.”

Man: I know how to please a woman. Woman: Then please leave me alone.

Man: I want to give myself to you. Woman: Sorry, I don’t accept cheap gifts.

Man: Your hair color is fabulous. Woman: Thank you. It’s on aisle three at the corner drug store.

Man: You look like a dream. Woman: Go back to sleep.

Man: I can tell that you want me. Woman: Yes, I want you to leave.

Man: Hey, baby, what’s your sign? Woman: Do not enter. -OR- Stop.

Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

Man: What’s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? Woman: I hate you.

Man: Haven’t I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.

It says enter a joke, but I can’t enter my life.

In the hospital paralyzed kid: I’m out walks out the room blind kid: you can walk?! mute kid: you can see?! deaf kid: you can talk?! doctor: wut the f(beep)k

Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign? A: The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green!