Ñàìîå ïîïóëÿðíîå 3 March

What’s the easiest way to get straight As? Use a ruler.

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Straight jokes
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I woke up this morning thinking it was gonna be a great day. But then I realized I was still alive.

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Dark Humor
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My daughter said i could never make a car out of spaghetti, you should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!!!

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Family jokes

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

One, if you throw it hard enough.

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Paint jokes
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Why did stephen hawkins die

He lost internet connections

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Lost jokes
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Why don’t midgets fight? They walk away to be the bigger man

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Fight jokes
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There were once three brothers, Shit, Shut up and Manners. One day Shit got hit by a car. Shut up went to find help at the local police station whilst Manners tried to help Shit. When Shut up got to the police station he says “my brother has just been hit by a car.” The policeman replied with “OK then first I need to know your name.” “Shut up” “No, I need to know your name.” “Shut up. ” “Excuse me but where are your manners.” “Round the corner picking up shit.”

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Hit jokes

A farmer walks up to his farmer neighbor with a jug of milk. the farmer says “I milked your cow”. the neighbor replies “i have a bull not a cow”

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Milk jokes
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My fifth wife asked me to help her dig in the garden. Here we go again

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Woman jokes
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Was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner. I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked,“If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?”

%%“Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?” I asked.

“No, I don’t waste time fishing,” the homeless man said…“I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.”

“Will you spend this on hunting equipment?” I asked.

“Are you NUTS!” replied the homeless man. “I haven’t gone hunting in 20 years!”

“Well,” I said, “I’m not going to give you money. Instead, I’m going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife.”

The homeless man was astounded. "Won’t your wife be furious with you for doing that?

I replied, “Don’t worry about that. It’s important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting.”

Not a joke but still dc

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Nut jokes
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What Football Club das Mason green wood play for? Prison Fc

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Green jokes
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Doctor: you’ll be at peace soon, sir. Me: what am I dying? Doctor: no your wife is.

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Doctors jokes

Have you ever tried eating a clock? It’s really time-consuming, especially if you go for seconds.

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Puns jokes
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I fear my last words will be ‘‘hold my beer and watch this.’’

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Dark Humor
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My uncle is a computer genius! The police even called him a pdf file!!

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Computer jokes
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I GOT a job as a pencil sharpener I would tell you about it but you wouldn’t get the point.

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Job jokes
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What do you call a patronizing criminal walking down the stairs? A condescending con descending.

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Stairs jokes

What do you call Steven Hawkins on fire

Hot wheels

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Fire jokes
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Ow! you hit the spot!

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Nut jokes
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What’s New York’s favourite game?

2001 flight simulator

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Game jokes
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I keep looking for my girlfriends killer but no one wants to do it.

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Woman jokes
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What is the worst part of milking a cow?

The smell of the dairy air.

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Milk jokes
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