Ñàìîå ïîïóëÿðíîå 4 April

Yesterday, a guy threw a litre of milk at me.

How dairy!

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Milk jokes
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%%whats the difference between my dad and cancer cancer dosent leave you

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What’s the difference?

Did you hear about Alicia’s car accident? She was really drunk and all over the road Until she was all over the road.

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Drunk jokes
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Someone stole my toilet and the police have nothing to go on.

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Puns jokes
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Your mamma so fat she has to use the equator as her belt

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Fat jokes
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Why do bees have sticky hair

They always use honeycombs

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Puns jokes

One day the teacher asks a boy why can’t fish talk underwater. The Kid says " If I put your head underwater will you be able to talk.

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Teacher jokes
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What’s the difference between a battery and my wife? The battery has a positive side

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Woman jokes
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Whats the difference between my thighs and my eyebrows?

Nothing i slit both of them

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What’s the difference?
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A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. “Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?” The blonde said, “How about 50 dollars?” The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?” The man replied, “She should. She was standing on the porch.” A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. “You’re finished already?” he asked. “Yes,” the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. “And by the way,” the blonde added, “that’s not a Porch, it’s a Ferrari.”

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Paint jokes
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What would be a good job for a fat person? A four-chin teller!!

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Job jokes

They should add an eleventh commandment to the Bible:

Thou shalt not f… altar boys

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Priest jokes
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Why are priests called father? because its too suspicious to call them daddy.

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Priest jokes
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I will always remeber my dads last words… “15 dollars and ill jump.”

If i could make someone tell me there last words theyd say " Make me"

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Dark Humor
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How do you punish Hellen Keller? you stick a toilet plunger in the toilet

Why cant Helen Keller have kids? It went up to far

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Stick jokes
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My friend dreamed of being a porno star. He did it for 3 months and decided it was not for him The next job he got was pumping petrol, halfway through filling up, he pulled the hose out and started spraying all over the car!

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Dream jokes

What do you call a freight train with bubble gum?

A chew chew train!

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Transport jokes
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Guy starts chatting to pretty woman at a party Seeing that she didn’t back off he asked her name. “Carmen,” she replied. That’s a nice name," he said warming up the conversation,

“Who named you, your mother?”

"No, I named myself, she answered.

“Oh, that’s interesting. Why Carmen?”

“Because I like cars, and I like men,” she said looking directly into his eyes. “So what’s your name?” she asked.

‘BJ Titsngolf’

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Woman jokes
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If you hit a child that’s child abuse. if you hit a family member that’s abuse. if you kill either, it’s murder for some reason. if it’s a whole family, its genocide for another reason.

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Hit jokes
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My mum told me to stop playing with my sister; she said at least wait for her to be born first.

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Waiting jokes
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What do priest and doctors have in common?

They both do physicals on kids.

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Priest jokes
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