i have no friends but then i realize my true friends are anxiety and depression
What do you call a dog with no legs? – Doesn’t matter what you call him, he’s not coming.
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be Wanted. Why are orphans bad at poker? They don’t know what a full house is. I saw a child crying yesterday so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage. What do you call an orphan’s family reunion? Me time. Did you know? The letter ‘f’ in orphan stands for family. What is an orphan’s least favorite song? We are Family. What’s an orphan’s least favorite tv show? Family Guy. What’s an orphan’s least favorite movie? Meet the Parents. What’s an orphan’s least favorite type of music? House. Next: Inappropriate Jokes What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot. What’s an orphan’s favorite band? Foster the People. What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan. Where do orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms What beer do orphans drink? Foster’s. Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk. What do you call a fish with no parents? An orfin Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it’s the only love they get. Me: Are you an orphan? Orphan: Yes, what gave me away? Me: Your parents.
I can measure the speed of an object. Because I want to km/s
why does a leaf fall faster thanan emo kid because the emo hang itself
Why didnt Logan Paul high five the asain man…because he loves to leave asains hanging
Once there was a girl named Sally! She had no arms or legs, was mute, deaf, and blind Knock knock Who’s there? Not sally
Grandpa’s last words,why do you have a chain saw
what do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn’t matter whutcha call him he ain’t comin’
Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately? Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow
I told the judge I thought she was unconscious before she woke up crying. The judge asked: why didn’t you drug her again so she would forget?
I’ll never forget my father’s last words… Oh f@ck, it’s a bus!
A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He yelled, "Doctor! Doctor! I can’t feel my legs!" The Doctor replies, “I know, I amputated your arms.”
Why did little Susie fall off the swing? Because she has no arms or legs. Knock Knock “Who’s there?” Not Susie.
“I bought my little sister a trampoline for her birthday but all she wants to do is sit in her wheelchair and cry”
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