One day, he started crying out of nowhere. Everyone started crying with him. There was a crying pandemic going around.
Last words of the captain of the Titanic… Where’s all this water come from??
I went to visit my friends sick grandpa. He was lying in a hospital bed connected to a lot of tubes. When I approached him he kept repeating “Ni caizhe wo de yangqi guan” Suddenly right in front of me, he passed. Later that night I translated his last words, and they were “You’re standing on my oxygen tube”
An Emo girl walks up to a tree to give it a high five… the tree left her hanging
A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He yelled, "Doctor! Doctor! I can’t feel my legs!" The Doctor replies, “I know, I amputated your arms.”
Whats the difference between a baby and an onoin? The baby cries when I cut it but an onion makes me cry when I cut it.
A girl noticed hair growing between her legs and asked her mom about it. Her mom said it was her monkey and it grows hair.so she told her sister and her sister said that aint nothing mines already eating bananas
Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately? Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow
What has two legs but can’t walk? Pants ??
When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room.
I’ll never forget my aunt’s last words before she died “can you stop shaking the latter please”
One night a girl said to her family "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodnight Grandma, Goodbye Grandpa. the next morning her grandpa died. That night she said "Goodnight mommy, Goodnight daddy, Goodbye Grandma. the next morning the grandma died. The dad started to fear for his life because he was next. That night the girl said "Goodnight mommy, Goodbye daddy. the next morning the dad woke up and he was perfectly fine but when he went into the kitchen he saw his wife crying. when he asked her whats wrong she said “The Mail Man died”.
I told the judge I thought she was unconscious before she woke up crying. The judge asked: why didn’t you drug her again so she would forget?
They say Chuck Norris’s tears cure cancer, too bad he doesn’t cry
When i was at work i say this kid crying i said where are your parents. God i love working in a orphanage
RUS | ENG
