if you slit your wrist while crying in pain, that’s self-harm. If you slit your wrist but have no expression, that’s acting. it isn’t any of those if it’s suicide.
I tried to high five a tree, but it just left me hanging.
If you ever feel depressed, drink some coffee. Expresso Expresso, no more depresso!
Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you” Person I’m talking to: Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline “haha what”
A man is walking on the deck of a cruise ship, when he sees a woman, without arms and legs, crying. The man says “What’s wrong?” The woman says “I’ve never been hugged before.” So, the man gives her a hug and walks away. The next day, the man sees the woman, on the deck, crying again. The man says “What’s wrong, now?” The woman says “I’ve never been kissed before.” So, the man gives her a kiss and walks away. The next day, the same thing occurs. The man says “Oh, for Christ’s sake! What’s wrong, this time?!” The woman says “Well, I’ve never been f@cked before.” So, the man picks her up, throws her into the ocean, and yells “YOU’RE f@ckED!”
I’m going to hang myself in the bathroom at school and put a note telling kids that I’m a pinata
My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better so i sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wifes broken leg.
The emo kid tried to high five the tree But the tree left him hanging
Who needs April fools… When your whole life is a joke?
Once I saw A girl crying and asked where are your parents; God I love working at orphanages.
My grandma just died from cancer My last words to her were “I like your cut g”
I still remember my granpas last words: turn the lawn mower off!
A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?” He responded with, “The cat is dead.” She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you’ve broken the new slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor things dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?” “She’s playing on the roof.”
Why is sex like math? You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.
are you sad then don’t be sad because sad backwards is das and das no good.
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