Dark Humor

whats the difference between onions and babys? i cry when i cut onions.

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I was crying when Sasha died in AOT, i also got jealous.

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Are you depression "cause you’re always on my mind~ 1273 depression got the best of me, i’m gonna cry in my room now

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people talking me asking whats the worst day in the year for them. Person 1: The first day of school cause i don’t like going to school Person 2: Valentines day cause its to lovey Me: oh nice mines my birthday cause its when i was born

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How do you make a builder cry? Kill his family

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I tried to high five a tree it left me hanging

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my grandpa died in 9/11 i was told his last words where Allahu Akbar

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Brian has a crush on a cute girl Sally from school so he goes and tells his dad about her and he says sorry son you cant like her she is your sister. So Brian is okay with it and he starts to like another girl Madison and he goes up to his dad and says I have a crush on this girl Madison and again the dad goes oh sorry son you cant like any girl in school they are all your sisters so he goes crying to his mom and says dad said I cant like any girl because they are all my sisters and the mom goes oh it’s okay you can like any girl you want because he is not your dad.

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You wanna know why I love trains? They end my suffering.

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Me: Wanna play 9/11? Friend: What’s that? Me: Its a game where I kick you in both legs and watch you fall.

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what do depressed people and Apple’s have in common? they both hang from trees

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What do you call a dog with no legs ? It doesn’t matter he isn’t coming to you.

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why don’t you see elephants hiding in trees? Bc they’re good at it.

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I’ll never forget my brother’s last words: “Why is there a revolver in your hand?”

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a man walks into a bar, and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. when he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says “If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone’s drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try? ” the man decided not to take the risk. he thought the steaks where too high.

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