Dark Humor

so if the reason people used to hang women because they were seen as witches back in the day, if boys were to be hung would they be called wizards?

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How many emos does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None they just sit in the dark and cry.

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I’ll never forget my grandma’s last words, “What are you doing in here with that hammer?”

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If you were a food what would you be? Friend 1-Pizza cause I’m so cheesy Friend 2-Chocolate chip cookie cause I have lots of friends Me-donut cause I’m so empty inside

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I will always remember my uncle’s last words, “What’s The Shovel For?”

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To avoid getting drafted, a young man slips into a nunnery to hide from some draft board agents who are after him. Desperate, he approaches a nun and asks her to hide him. “Get under my robes,” says the nun. “No one will look for you there.” The nun lifts up her robes and the man says, “Hey, that’s a fine pair of legs you have there, sister.” “Yeah, well if you look a bit higher you’ll see a fine set of balls, ” replies the nun. “I didn’t want to get drafted either.”

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I can measure the speed of an object. Because I want to km/s

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Where do you find a turtle with no legs? Right where you left it.

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what do emos and the lorax have in common? they both hang with trees

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Stephen hawkings last words were the windows closing sound

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Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning and his dad was making alot of mistakes. Suddenly his dad screams " bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant and his dad replied " aunts and uncles" Oh. next thing he hears is “dicks and pussies!” Johnny asks " what’s that mean?" To which his dad replied " uh coats and hats." Oh next thing he know he sees his dad jumping around the the bathroom yelling " f@cking, f@ck,f@ck,f@ck" " what does that mean dad?" And his dad yells " cut Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh. Next week is Thanksgiving and the doorbell rings and Johnny answers it and says " Hey bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, dad’s in the kitchen f@cking the turkey.

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You use your legs as support you count on your fingers

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Is Depression an emotion or a state of mind? I call it a lifestyle

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What was Steven Hawking’s last words? The windows xp log out sound

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What happened when the emo kid tried to high 5 a tree? It left him hanging

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