What’s under the bottom? Your legs.
I’ll never forget my Grandads last words…SON WHERE DID U GET A GRENADE FROM?!
my grandpas last words were, why is there a body in my kitchen. no witnessess
Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work. Paddy agrees to tell Seamuswife the bad news. He knocks on the door and Seamus wife answers. " Whats happened Paddy?" Paddy frowns. " Im sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, im so sorry." She started to cry and asked paddy: " Did he at least die quickly? " Seamus shook his head, " No, he got out 3 times for a pee."
Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you” Person I’m talking to: Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline “haha what”
What has 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
What’s the similarity between a Christmas ornament and a person? They both hang…
What is the worst motivational thing to say to a depressed person? If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be Wanted. Why are orphans bad at poker? They don’t know what a full house is. I saw a child crying yesterday so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage. What do you call an orphan’s family reunion? Me time. Did you know? The letter ‘f’ in orphan stands for family. What is an orphan’s least favorite song? We are Family. What’s an orphan’s least favorite tv show? Family Guy. What’s an orphan’s least favorite movie? Meet the Parents. What’s an orphan’s least favorite type of music? House. Next: Inappropriate Jokes What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot. What’s an orphan’s favorite band? Foster the People. What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan. Where do orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms What beer do orphans drink? Foster’s. Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk. What do you call a fish with no parents? An orfin Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it’s the only love they get. Me: Are you an orphan? Orphan: Yes, what gave me away? Me: Your parents.
What did Steven Hawlkings last words? Error 404 File Not Found
I’ll never forget my bosses last words: " We shall serve the best meat in our burgers! "
What has 4 wheels 2 legs and loves his shoulder Stephen hawking
They say people are 75% water But I’m 100% useless
I cry a lot for someone who isn’t even properly hydrated
what does an apple and a lawyer have in common? they both look good hanging from a tree
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