Life is like a box of chocolates, mostly dissapointing
911 what’s your emergency Me, my grandma just passed out in the living room and I think she’s dead Well it’s not a living room any more Me, hangs up Whats worse than 1000 dead babies hanging off a tree? 1 dead baby hanging of 1000 trees
I’ll Never Forget My Grandfathers Last Words “STOP SHAKING THE LADDER YOU LITTLE CUNT!”
My neck, my back, my crippling anxiety attacks
I’ll never forget my bosses last words: " We shall serve the best meat in our burgers! "
Where do you find a dog with no legs? Where you left it.
why does a leaf fall faster thanan emo kid because the emo hang itself
you tell an orphan joke to an orphan you start laughing they start crying they say they are going to tell their mom then you start laughing harder
A depressed boy went to high five a tree guess what the tree did? The tree left him hanging
I went to visit my friends sick grandpa. He was lying in a hospital bed connected to a lot of tubes. When I approached him he kept repeating “Ni caizhe wo de yangqi guan” Suddenly right in front of me, he passed. Later that night I translated his last words, and they were “You’re standing on my oxygen tube”
What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you? Take her wheel chair, she’ll come crawling back.
What’s the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him ? It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
When i was at work i say this kid crying i said where are your parents. God i love working in a orphanage
Yo mama is so ugly, her portraits hang themselves.
Kid: hey dad whats dark humor ? Dad: go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him . Kid: but dad I dont have any legs or arms . Dad: exactly son.
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