Dark Humor

I’m like a broken refrigerator, cool but broken inside

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What’s a similarity Cliff Hanger and Nooses? They both leave you Hanging

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Why can’t depressed people leave the maze? Because their lives are the walls and they are to scared to meet the exit.

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What was Stephens hawking last words? I’m lagging

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Three men are outside Heaven’s gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them “Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven”. The first guy says “I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times”. The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says “11 years and only once” and is granted a Mercedes. The last man says “20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart” and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse". The guy looks up and says “How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard”

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What is the worst motivational thing to say to a depressed person? If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.

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Knock Knock! Who’s their? It’s Dave! Dave Who? *Dave proceeds to break down crying at the realization that his grandmother’s Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.

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I have an auntie who has no arms and no legs. She is my dad’s half sister.

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This man got his left arm and left leg cut off and someone asked him “How are You?” And he said “I’m all right now.”

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My girlfriends last words I can’t wait to become a mom

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Why did the Chinese woman hang up? Because she Wang the Wong number

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What do you say to your sister when she’s crying? – “Are you having a crisis?”

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What’s the difference between a onion and a viola? No one cries when they cut up the viola

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I don’t see why people say that emo kid doesn’t like to hangout I seen them hanging all day.

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I will never forget my grandfathers last words. “The f@ck you doing whit that knife

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