I am a failure to everyone and decided to attemp a suicide, guess what? I failed
I tried to high five a tree it left me hanging
What Do You Say To A One Legged Hitch Hiker Hop In
I was crying when Sasha died in AOT, i also got jealous.
I will remember my biker buddies last words ?Why did you cut in front of me?.
911 what’s your emergency Me, my grandma just passed out in the living room and I think she’s dead Well it’s not a living room any more Me, hangs up Whats worse than 1000 dead babies hanging off a tree? 1 dead baby hanging of 1000 trees
So there’s a little girl playing hopscotch at the front of her house while her mother hangs up the washing and her father mows the lawn. She says “Step on a crack and you break your mother’s back,”. The father laughs, until his daughter steps on a crack resulting in her mother’s back breaking. The little girl’s father looks in terror, she then says “step on a line and you break your father’s spine,”. The father closes his eyes waiting for his spine to break, but nothing happens. When he opens his eyes again he sees that he is ok, and nothing has happened to him. Suddenly he hears someone yell out “OW MY SPINE, ”. The father runs around the corner to see the mailman laying on the floor.
Life is like a penis simple,soft,relaxed,and hanging free.until a woman comes around and makes it hard
Friend #1: “Yo guys, what’s the most unfair game you’ve ever played? For me it’s Fortnite.” Friend #2: “I’d have to say Monopoly.” Me: “The most unfair game you say? Life, definitely. Like, no one wins, it’s a one-way game.” Friend #2: “Uhh…that’s not exactly what he meant…” Friend #1: calls the suicide hotline
Me: Mom I’m tired Mom:then go to sleep Me: No you don’t understand-
I remember grandpas last words “oh shit it’s in drive”
Q: What did the drunk emo say to the bartender? A: Nothing! He was hung over. My sister thinks shes so smart, shes said onions are the only food that makes you cry So I threw a coconut at her
Everything dissapers in the Bermuda triangle Except my depression Dark jokes are like water some people just don’t get it
Your legs are just like oreos! I wanna split the ends and eat whats in between.
Kids are so ungrateful sometimes. I bought a wheelchair for my son, Did he say thank you? Nope! That mtf just sat in his wheelchair the whole time crying the whole day.??
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