When i was at work i say this kid crying i said where are your parents. God i love working in a orphanage
a depressed kid tried to give a tree high-five but the tree left him hanging People at my school have started to wear Logan Paul merch. I try to give them a high five, but they always leave me hanging.
Last word of mayor of Hiroshima: ‘what the f@ck was that noise?’ What where Stephens last words “battery low”
Me: Mom I’m tired Mom:then go to sleep Me: No you don’t understand-
Emo kids counting be like: 1,2,3 come hang with me! 4,5,6 Gonna get new slits! 7,8,9 Suicide! 10,11,12 Bring some pills!
I remember my dad’s last words “I met your father.”
I started crying when my mom was cutting up onions Onions was a good dog
A girl and dog get dropped off at an orphanage why was she crying before she went in Because the people came back for their dog
Why did little Susie fall off the swing? Because she has no arms or legs. Knock Knock “Who’s there?” Not Susie.
What’s the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him ? It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
Three men are outside Heaven’s gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them “Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven”. The first guy says “I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times”. The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says “11 years and only once” and is granted a Mercedes. The last man says “20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart” and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse". The guy looks up and says “How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard”
Bought my son a trampoline for his birthday, the ungrateful f@cker just sat in his wheelchair and cried
My grandma just died from cancer My last words to her were “I like your cut g”
Why are washers better than babies? Washers don’t cry when you put a load in it.
What do you call a man that has no arms, no legs and sits in front of your door? Mat.
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