Your legs are just like oreos! I wanna split the ends and eat whats in between.
Ill never forget my mother last words. What’s are doing with that sledge hammer i will never forget my girlfriends last words…"get off of me STOP"slurp…Dead
where do you find a dog with no arms or legs -where you left it
This boy was in school one day when he became desparate to go to the bathroom. So he asked the teacher, “May I use the bathroom?” The teacher replied, “No, not unless you say your alphabet.” So the boy said “a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z.” When he finished, the teacher asked him, “Where’s the p?” The boy replied, “Half way down my leg…” i hear skeletons like to play the saxaBONE, though i think the tromBONE would be better, but tibia honest, both can be HUMERUS, wouldnt wanna hurt your funny bone, but i think your starting to get BONELY so ill stop pulling your leg. Now get out before i give you a bad time.
my sons so ungrateful. i bought him a trampoline and all he does is sit in his wheelchair and cry all day.
Chuck Norris doesn’t turn on his shower, he just stares at it until it cries
my grandpa died in 9/11 i was told his last words where Allahu Akbar
What do you call a man that has no arms, no legs and sits in front of your door? Mat.
i remember my moms last words before her divorce, did you just load in me.
What do you call a prostitute with no arm or legs Cash and carry
I tried to high five a tree, but it just left me hanging.
**** (A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him … everyone else in the room stops to listen): Man : Hello? Woman : Hi honey, it’s me. Are you at the club? Man : Yes. Woman : I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man : Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman : I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man : How much? Woman : $90,000. Man : Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman : Great! Oh, and one more thing … I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market … they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man : I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman : OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man : I love you to. **** (The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open. ) The man turns around and says : “Anyone know whose phone this is”?
What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you? Take her wheel chair, she’ll come crawling back.
Q: What did one emo kid say to the other emo kid? A: Wanna hang out?
I saw my friend hang themselves my response was i guess they wanted to hang with someone
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