Famous last words of my uncle: (a bomb disposal expert) yes the red wire
An orphan, an emo, and an apple are on a tree. The apples get picked unlike the orphan, while the emo kid is already dead from hanging.
The only time you see a depressed person lifted up - when they hang themselves.
Stephen Hawking’s last words were, “Ethernet cable not detected, shutting down.”
Sam is a kindergartener. One day, Sam’s teacher told him to learn the first few letters of the alphabet. Later that night, Sam asked his moody sister what the first letter of the alphabet was and she replied with “Oh what’s the point. Life is meaningless…”. Sam then went up to his room and found his brother crying on the floor. Sam asked him what the next letter was. “I hate you!” said sam’s brother, so Sam left the room. Sam went to his mom and asked her what the third letter was. “You stupid f*****” his mom yelled at him. So Sam went to ask his Grandpa what the fourth letter is and his grandpa didn’t reply, so Sam went to bed. The next day, Sam’s teacher called on him to tell the class what the first letter is and he answered with “Oh what’s the point. Life is meaningless…” and the teacher sent him to the school counselor. As he left the room, he yelled at his teacher “I hate you!” As Sam arrived at the counselors office she said she had called his parents and they wanted him to be safe and locked up in a padded cell. “You stupid f*****” Sam screamed as he heard the ambulance sirens getting nearer. As the ambulance drove away, Sam, in his straight jacket, was silent.
The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, “Honey put down the knife we were only talking about getting a divorce.”
“Boom, quick; you have five seconds to give me three reasons to live.” “1…2…3 ……4…5…” Did you noticed you said nothing at all?
i will always remember my grandfathers last words “ill just check if its poisonous”.
My neck, my back, my crippling anxiety attacks
Just all us depressed people joking about our depressed lives, we should hang out sometime
Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately? Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow
Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs? – Because the cow has the udder.
Friend #1: “Whats your favourite thing about trees?” Friend #2: “Apples” Me: “I can hang myself in them.”
I’m going to hang myself in the bathroom at school and put a note telling kids that I’m a pinata
Wanna hear some famous last words? “We are just experiencing some turbulence”
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