Yo mamma is so ugly she made blind kids cry
I went to visit my friends sick grandpa. He was lying in a hospital bed connected to a lot of tubes. When I approached him he kept repeating “Ni caizhe wo de yangqi guan” Suddenly right in front of me, he passed. Later that night I translated his last words, and they were “You’re standing on my oxygen tube”
You’d think my son would be happy that Daddy bought him a new bike. But no… oh no he just sits in his wheelchair and cries like a little girl.
I’ve looked everywhere… I just can’t seem to find where I left my will to live
They say Chuck Norris’s tears cure cancer, too bad he doesn’t cry
A emo texted a tree wanna hang out… The tree ghosted her
“I wasn’t that drunk yesterday.” “Oh boy you took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying.”
Grandpa’s last words,why do you have a chain saw
i have no friends but then i realize my true friends are anxiety and depression
I will remember my biker buddies last words ?Why did you cut in front of me?.
If you drop an emo and a piece of paper from a tree which will hit the ground first? The piece of oaper because the rope will stop the emo
My life Tell me when you get it
I know Im valuable, I come with a barcode ;)
What do you call a woman with one leg? Eileen.
**** (A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him … everyone else in the room stops to listen): Man : Hello? Woman : Hi honey, it’s me. Are you at the club? Man : Yes. Woman : I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man : Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman : I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man : How much? Woman : $90,000. Man : Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman : Great! Oh, and one more thing … I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market … they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man : I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman : OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man : I love you to. **** (The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open. ) The man turns around and says : “Anyone know whose phone this is”?
RUS | ENG
