Dark Humor

What has 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.

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“Oh waiter! Waiter!” “Yes sir?” “Do you have frog’s legs?” “Why yes” “Good. Now hop along and get me a steak!”

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Why couldn’t the emo kid hang himself? After eating through his feelings the belt wouldn’t fit around his neck

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What do you call a cow that has two legs shorter on one side of its body compared to the other? LEAN BEEF!

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Life is like a penis simple,soft,relaxed,and hanging free.until a woman comes around and makes it hard

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Ill never forget my mother last words. What’s are doing with that sledge hammer i will never forget my girlfriends last words…"get off of me STOP"slurp…Dead

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I went to visit my friends sick grandpa. He was lying in a hospital bed connected to a lot of tubes. When I approached him he kept repeating “Ni caizhe wo de yangqi guan” Suddenly right in front of me, he passed. Later that night I translated his last words, and they were “You’re standing on my oxygen tube”

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There were three people on the third floor of a building the first one took a bite of a apple then said it was too hard so he threw it out the window the second person took a bite of a lemon he said it was too sour so he threw it out the window the third guy was drunk, he took a bite of a grenade and thought it was to crunchy so he threw it out the window then one of them went downstairs he saw a dog laying on the ground dead the apple had hit the dog in the head then there was a little girl crying with her cat in her lap it had died because the lemon fell out the window and hit it in the head next there was a old guy laughing i asked him why he was laugh he said “i farted and the building behind me blew up”.

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Famous last words of my uncle: (a bomb disposal expert) yes the red wire

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I can measure the speed of an object. Because I want to km/s

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I still remember the last words my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket. He said, “Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”

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I can’t hang out with a emo when they are sad? Why? Because it cuts deeply

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I saw a kid crying and i asked him where his parents were… Man i love working at a Orphanige

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I will never forget my grandpa’s last words: Alahu-Akbar i will remember my aunties last word: if you shoot me you pen-s is small (gun shot)

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What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you? Take her wheel chair, she’ll come crawling back.

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