You must be depression, because you make me want to kill myself ;)
What happened when the emo kid tried to high 5 a tree? It left him hanging
I wish i could be as visible as my depression is. My future is so bright, i need a flashlight to see where i’m going
Whats the difference between a school bus and my Dad’s van? Schools buses usually don’t have screaming and crying children
Chuck Norris doesn’t turn on his shower, he just stares at it until it cries
**** (A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him … everyone else in the room stops to listen): Man : Hello? Woman : Hi honey, it’s me. Are you at the club? Man : Yes. Woman : I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man : Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman : I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man : How much? Woman : $90,000. Man : Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman : Great! Oh, and one more thing … I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market … they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man : I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman : OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man : I love you to. **** (The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open. ) The man turns around and says : “Anyone know whose phone this is”?
why does a movie set say break a leg? because they have a CAST
I’ll never forget my aunt’s last words before she died “can you stop shaking the latter please”
They say Chuck Norris’s tears cure cancer, too bad he doesn’t cry
Q:What was my son’s last words before he died. A:Bye dad i am going to school.
I still remember my dad’s last words "don’t worry son, Allah will be pleased"
I was speaking at my grandpa’s funeral and I told everybody his last words: “You still holding the latter?”
I tried to high five a tree, but it just left me hanging.
Most people think an octopus has 8 legs. Actually, they have 6 legs and 2 arms. How can you tell which are the arms? Hit it on the head. The two that go up to the head when he says “Owwww” are his arms.
i will remember my brothers last words: if you cant put a fork in a toaster how about a spoon
RUS | ENG
