My neck, my back, my crippling anxiety attacks
What do you call a man off the ground? Hanged.
Me: Calls 9-1-1 Operator: 9/11 what’s your emergency? Me: hangs up
A man walks into a bar. Sits down and asks the bartender for 12 shots of vodka. The bartender asks what the man is celebrating for and said he’ll give one shot on the house. The man said I celebrating my first blowjob. And nah if 12 shots doesn’t get the taste out of my mouth nothing will.
I told the judge I thought she was unconscious before she woke up crying. The judge asked: why didn’t you drug her again so she would forget?
what fell down the tree first the emo or the apple guess what the apple because the emo got left hanging
Orphan boy:Your dad is probably dissapointed of you i mean look at you Me: well at least my parents kept me wheres yours
What do you call a man that has no arms, no legs and sits in front of your door? Mat.
Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately? Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow
What do emos and apples have in common? They both hang on trees.
Are you depression "cause you’re always on my mind~ 1273 depression got the best of me, i’m gonna cry in my room now
I woke up this morning thinking it was gonna be a great day. But then I realized I was still alive.
What do suicidal people do in their spare time? Hang out.
Me and a person downtown. Person: Hey, crazy Saturday night. Me: I guess so. Person: Why do people do crazy stuff like this? Me: I don’t know. I used too, but don’t anymore. Person: why’d you stop? Me: unfortunately, I lived every time I’d try something.
Chuck Norris doesn’t turn on his shower, he just stares at it until it cries
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