Dark Humor

Lets make a joke on how depressing monday is to ignore how depressing everyday is.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

if things dont get better the Christmas lights wont be the only thing hanging

-2 -1 0 +1 +2

I started beating my washing machine beacause it wasn’t working, my wife started crying. Knock knock Who’s there Insomnia You’ll fit right in along with Depression and anxiety, you can help keep me awake at night because Depression is struggling with that… Well now I can "t cry myself to sleep anymore…

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street, he thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with so he called in one of the friends. The friend looked into the dead body’s face and said, “yep that’s definitely Joe,” but then to be absolutely sure he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants and said, "oh no wait that’s not Joe. the policeman called in the 2nd friend, the 2nd friend looked into the dead body’s face and said, “yep that’s definitely Joe,” but then to be absolutely sure he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants and said, "oh no wait that’s not Joe. Confused the policeman asked, “how is it that when you look into his face you’re sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you’re sure he is not?” The 1st friend said, “well you see Joe has 2 assholes.” "Are you serious? the policeman asked. “Oh yes,” he replied, “we’ve never actually seen them but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, hey there’s Joe with those 2 assholes.”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Me: Calls 9-1-1 Operator: 9/11 what’s your emergency? Me: hangs up

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

I remember my uncles last words: “I don’t think were going shooting today.”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

I still remember my grandpas last words Stop shaking the damn ladder

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

I love Brussel sprouts more than I love myself

-2 -1 0 +1 +2

Where do you find a turtle with no legs? Right where you left it.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

A man woke up from a serious surgery. He screamed, “Doctor! Doctor! I can’t feel my legs!”. And the doctor replied, “I know. I amputated you arms.”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

my dad said ill get the milk but he forgot i was i his car

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

A girl and dog get dropped off at an orphanage why was she crying before she went in Because the people came back for their dog

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

“Hold my beer, watch this.”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

i will always remember my grandfathers last words “ill just check if its poisonous”.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Brother: I bought my brother a trampoline today, the ungrateful f@ck just sat in his wheelchair and cried if your depressed and you crying like this joke

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *
- up - << N E X T! >> random

© àíåêäîòîâ.net, 1997 - 2026