Life is like a penis simple,soft,relaxed,and hanging free.until a woman comes around and makes it hard
i will never forget my mother and fathers last words WHERE THE SAM HELL DID YOU GET A GRANADE
“Boom, quick; you have five seconds to give me three reasons to live.” “1…2…3 ……4…5…” Did you noticed you said nothing at all?
Your legs are just like oreos! I wanna split the ends and eat whats in between.
So I’m banging the f@ck out of this slutty chick, right? And I’m thinking to myself, “She’s PROBABLY got AIDS.” So I go and get myself tested and, lo-and-behold, I’m positive. This gets me thinking, “Where the f@ck does an eight year old get AIDS? !” “Who has my sister been hanging out with?!”
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions which made me cry. Onions was a good dog.
How many emos does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None they just sit in the dark and cry.
I don’t call it suicide. I call it population control
They say I’ll mess up my insides, but I don’t have any.
What is the difference between a Old Chest and a kid? One doesn’t cry when you drop it in the basement.
Why does sumo wrestlers shave their legs? Because they don’t want to be mistaken as feminists
I tried to high five a tree it left me hanging
Yo mama is so ugly, her portraits hang themselves.
I tried to high five a tree, but it just left me hanging.
There’s nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.
RUS | ENG
