What’s a similarity Cliff Hanger and Nooses? They both leave you Hanging
Person: where do i commit sucide Dog: roof Person: good idea
The Orphan started crying at school when he got suspended and had to go home
What do you call a man off the ground? Hanged.
What is the difference between a washing machine and a child…? The washing machine doesn’t cry when you put a load in it.
Three men are outside Heaven’s gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them “Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven”. The first guy says “I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times”. The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says “11 years and only once” and is granted a Mercedes. The last man says “20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart” and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse". The guy looks up and says “How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard”
why don’t you see elephants hiding in trees? Bc they’re good at it.
It’s ironic that the more other people love you the more you hate yourself.
What do you say to your sister when she’s crying? – “Are you having a crisis?”
I’ll Never Forget My Grandfathers Last Words “STOP SHAKING THE LADDER YOU LITTLE CUNT!”
Why did little Susie fall off the swing? Because she has no arms or legs. Knock Knock “Who’s there?” Not Susie.
The depressed kid at school tried giving the tree a high five It left him hanging
I wish i could be as visible as my depression is. My future is so bright, i need a flashlight to see where i’m going
I’ll never forget my dad’s last words. “Erase my search history, son.”
What does my head and hell have in common? They both have demons in them
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