Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don’t have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan: he tells his friend “We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks but then when the bill comes you get down and suck on the hot-dog and it’ll look like you’re sucking on my dick so then we’ll get thrown out without paying and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again”. His friend agrees so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude’s pants, go to the bar and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, “Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!” The first guy says “Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!”
What is the difference between a frog and a horny toad? One says “Ribbit, Ribbit” and the other says “Rub it, Rub it”.
What is the difference between a plane and a helicoptor.
A plane hits a building but a helicopter hits the floor
What’s the difference between a bird and a human? “We don’t eat with our peckers
What the difference betwenn a feminist and Kim Jong un? Kim jong un has rights
What’s the difference between a paycheck and your penis? You don’t have to beg your wife to blow up the paycheck…
What the difference between an Irish wedding and a Irish funeral, one less drunk.
What’s the difference between a gay guy and a microwave?
The microwave doesn’t brown the meat.
What’s the difference between your jokes and your penis? Nobody laughs at your jokes
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a daredevil?
One has cunning stunts, whilst the other has a stunning…
What’s the difference between a baby and a salad?
Most people don’t get angry when you toss a salad.
Father and mother are making love in the bedroom. Mother is on top of father. Suddenly the son enters the bedroom. Everyone is embarrassed, of course.
The next morning, the mother takes the little boy aside and says, “I’ll tell you about what you saw yesterday, you know Dad has a big belly and that’s why mom sometimes sits on top of that belly to push it flat.”. Says that little boy: “But mama, that does not make any difference.” “Oh no?” the mom asks. “No,” says the little boy, “When you go to work, the neighbor comes, and she puts herself on her knees for Dad, and sheblows his belly up again!”
My girlfriend asked me to write her a poem for Valentines Day: Roses are red, Watches are gold. Get on your knees, And do as you’re told.
What’s the difference between your girlfriend and sister? Nothing if your from Alabama
What’s the difference between a white and a black fairytale? White begins with, ‘Once upon a time…’, black begins with,’ Y’all motherf……s ain’t gonna believe this sh…’
There is thin line between death and life!! You won’t live to see it …
The Cardiogram will!!
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