What’s the difference?

What’s the difference between eggs,and you?eggs get laid,you don’t.

What’s the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag?

The tea bag stays in the cup longer.

My kids are so ungrateful. I got them a new dishwasher and they just won’t stop complaining about their mom

Whats the difference between a lightbulb and a preganant woman you can unscrew the lightbulb

What’s the difference between light and hard?

It’s easy to get to sleep with a light on.

What’s the difference between an orphan and a watermelon? One of them is fun to hit with a sledge hammer and the other one is just a watermelon

What’s the difference between your jokes and your penis? Nobody laughs at your jokes

What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and the computer he’s hooked up to? – The computer runs.

Guy 1: "Tell me a bad pun" Guy 2: "Alright What’s the difference between a tuna fish, a piano and a tube of glue" Guy 1: "Ok that last one was random as heck what is the difference" Guy 2: " you can tuna a piano, but you can’t piano a tuna" Guy 1: "Ok where does the glue come in" Guy 2: “Ah i knew you’d get stuck on that”

You might be

What the difference betwenn a feminist and Kim Jong un? Kim jong un has rights

What’s the difference between a hamster and a cigarette? They’re both harmless until you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire

What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

Oral sex will make your whole day. Anal sex will make your hole weak.

What is the difference between a washing machine and a child…?

The washing machine doesn’t cry when you put a load in it.

Whats the difference between the twin towers and an ugly girl. the twin towers at least got f@cked.

What is the difference between a Priest and a Doctor

The Doctor doesn’t like to give physicals.

3 construction workers where sitting on the bridge that they where building having their lunch break. The first guy says “If I get a vegimite sandwich again I am going to jump off this bridge.” The second guys says “If get a peanut butter sandwich again I am going to jump off this bridge”. The third guy says if I get another strawberry jam sandwich then I am going to jump off this bridge.” The next day the first guy gets a vegimite sandwich, the second guy gets a peanut butter sandwich and the third guy gets a strawberry jam sandwich. All 3 guys jump of the bridge and die. The next day at their funerals the first wife says “If he just told me I would have given him a different sandwich.” The second guys wife says “It is all my fault. If only I knew.” The third wife says “I don’t get it, he makes his own lunch.”