Two men are in a rainforest and one of them is peeing. Suddenly a snake jumps out of some bushes and bites the man’s penis. The other man says, “ Oh my God, I will go to a doctor immediately!”. He didn’t have enough time to load the man into the car so he went straight to the hospital. The man told the doctor what happened and the doctor said, “You will have to make an incision at the wound and suck the poison out. The man wen back to the other man and said, “ There is no hope, you will die.”
So i went to the doctors and the doctor said "Pick a star sign any star sign" So i said "Aquarius" And the doctor said “nah mate you’ve got cancer”
I am still trying to figure out why paying the covid doctors a complement is so offensive. They even kicked me out and all I said was to stay positive… An apple a day can do so much more than keep the doctor away… it can keep ANYONE away. if you throw it hard enough.
A man goes for his annual checkup. Afterwords he’s sitting the the doctor’s office and the doctor comes in with the results of his tests. The doctor says, “I have some bad news; you have cancer and Alzheimer’s. ” The man replies, “well, at least I don’t have cancer.”
A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it: Doctor: I have good news and bad news Guy" Whats the bad news Doc: They replaced your toe with a piece of candy Guy: Good news? Doc: You now have tic tac toe
I asked my doctor if it was normal for one of my nuts to be bigger than the other two.
Pinocchio goes to the doctor for a checkup. When he gets there the doctor asks him “Do you have cancer?” Pinocchio replies, “That was very straight up, but, no I’m pretty sure I don’t have cancer.” After saying this, his nose grew.
My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like
A man woke up from a serious surgery. He screamed, “Doctor! Doctor! I can’t feel my legs!”. And the doctor replied, “I know. I amputated you arms.”
So theres a orphan in a hospital and the doctor walks up and says “sorry kid but this is a family hospital”
Why did the computer go to the doctor ? Because it had a virus
Five little monkeys jumping on the bed, One fell off and bumped his head. The momma called the doctor and the doctor said… “We’re calling Child Protective Services.”
A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man’s wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said: "I have good news and bad news." The wife said: "What’s the good news? “We managed to save his arm. ” “What’s the bad news?” “We couldn’t save the rest of him.”
Place a man in a morgue, he’ll try to leave. Place a doctor in a morgue, he’ll go to work. Place a necrophiliac in a morgue, he’ll stay happy for a week.
A women just went through laber,she ask the doctor"was it a healthy delivery"the doctor replies"it wasn’t delivery,it’s digiorno"
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