Doctors jokes

What’s the difference between an anal and oral thermometer? The taste.

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The doctor told me I had aids I said it’s your fault sister.

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You’re forehead so big when you were being born the doctors thought you had no face

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A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it: Doctor: I have good news and bad news Guy" Whats the bad news Doc: They replaced your toe with a piece of candy Guy: Good news? Doc: You now have tic tac toe

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I told the doctor I didn’t want a brain surgery. But he changed my mind.

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Why did the library book go to the doctor? – It needed to be checked out.

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Doctor: I’m sorry but your surgery will cost a lot of money. Buuuuuut what’s this behind your ear? Oh it’s still cancer

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what is the perfect job for a paedophile a physical doctor for kids

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So i went to the doctors and the doctor said "Pick a star sign any star sign" So i said "Aquarius" And the doctor said “nah mate you’ve got cancer”

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Patient: “Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.” Doctor: “Next time, take off the candles.”

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An apple a day keeps the doctor away… Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough…????

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Me: DOCTOR! DOCTOR! I HAVE 50 SECONDS TO LIVE! Doctor: sit down for a minute.

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A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing diapers!” She replies: “Oh my god! Am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?” To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”

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“I’m sorry,” the doctor says, “you have rare and very contagious disease. We must quarantine you and you’ll only be fed cheese and bologna.” “Will that cure me?” the patient asks. “Well, no,” the doctor replies, “but it’s the only food that will fit under the door.” %%(Tripple Pun) What did the momma grape say to the pappa grape? Raisin are kids is usually pretty fun, but some times they get sunburn and I have to take them to the doctor for dry skin.

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in the hospital paralyzed kid : I’m out walks out the room blind kid : you can walk?! mute kid : you can see?! deaf kid : you can talk?! doctor : wut the f(beep)k

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