Doctor : what makes you feel depressed? Me: I used to work at the word trade centre, before the plane hit. Doctor: a lot of people fell to pieces after that.
Doctor: you’ll be at peace soon, sir. Me: what am I dying? Doctor: no your wife is.
My friend was told by her doctor that she was morbidly obese. As if she doesn’t have enough on her plate.
Woman: Doctor, where are we going? Doctor: To the morgue. Woman: I’m not dead yet, doctor. Doctor: We’re not at morgue yet, either
There’s a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard, the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young nerd. The doctor says, “People need me for my medical skills.” grabs the first parachute pack, and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, “People need me for my intelligence.” grabs a pack, and jumps. The old priest says, “I have lived a long and happy life. You take the last chute.” The nerd says, “Don’t worry. There are enough chutes for the both of us. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack.”
A women just went through laber,she ask the doctor"was it a healthy delivery"the doctor replies"it wasn’t delivery,it’s digiorno"
Where do sick boats go? – The dock! There is a man in the hospital the power went out and the man was stabbed to death, there are three witnesses, the nurse who was with another patient, the doctor who was reading some paperwork, and The Who was at the vending machine, who killed the man? The mom did because you can’t use a vending machine when the powers out!
Patient to doctor "will I be ok Doc?" Doctor:"I doubt it. Mercury is in Uranus now" Patient: "I dont do that astrology stuff" Doctor:“Nor me. My thermometer just broke”
Why did the computer go to the doctor ? Because it had a virus
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
A man wakes up from his operation and the doctor says ‘I have bad news and good news, what do you want to hear first?’ The man says ‘bad’ so the doctor says ‘during the surgery your girlfriend decided to leave a message that she’s leaving you for another man’ the man says ‘what’s the good then? ’ And the doctor says ‘I’m picking her up at 7’
Michael Jakson gets really ill so he’s rushed to hospital. When they get there he says ‘am i in heaven?’ The doctor replies ‘Nah sir we’re just taking a quick shortcut through the children’s ward.’
An apple a day keeps the doctor away… Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough…????
Two men are in a rainforest and one of them is peeing. Suddenly a snake jumps out of some bushes and bites the man’s penis. The other man says, “ Oh my God, I will go to a doctor immediately!”. He didn’t have enough time to load the man into the car so he went straight to the hospital. The man told the doctor what happened and the doctor said, “You will have to make an incision at the wound and suck the poison out. The man wen back to the other man and said, “ There is no hope, you will die.”
A woman comes to the doctor and tells her ‘doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day, what should I give him?’ The doctor says ‘my number’
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