A man wakes up from his operation and the doctor says ‘I have bad news and good news, what do you want to hear first?’ The man says ‘bad’ so the doctor says ‘during the surgery your girlfriend decided to leave a message that she’s leaving you for another man’ the man says ‘what’s the good then? ’ And the doctor says ‘I’m picking her up at 7’
Five little monkeys jumping on the bed, One fell off and bumped his head. The momma called the doctor and the doctor said… “We’re calling Child Protective Services.”
You’re so short, when you were born, the doctor couldn’t tell if you were a boy, a girl, or a Jimmy Dean pork sausage.
A women just went through laber,she ask the doctor"was it a healthy delivery"the doctor replies"it wasn’t delivery,it’s digiorno"
My doctor told me that I had to burn calories, so I took a fat kid and lit them on fire
in the hospital paralyzed kid : I’m out walks out the room blind kid : you can walk?! mute kid : you can see?! deaf kid : you can talk?! doctor : wut the f(beep)k
Doctor: I have good news and I have worse news Patient: Well what’s the bad news Doctor: You have one day left to live Patient: What news could possibly be worse Doctor: I’ve been trying to contact you sense yesterday
A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man’s wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said: "I have good news and bad news." The wife said: "What’s the good news? “We managed to save his arm. ” “What’s the bad news?” “We couldn’t save the rest of him.”
My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like
So a doctor walks into the room with a dying patient. He looks the man up and down and says gravely: “I’m sorry, you only have ten left.” The other man smiles nervously and asks, “T-ten what doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?” The doctor calmly looks at him. “Nine.”
I asked the doctor doing my prostate exam where i should put my pants. “next to mine” was not the answer i was expecting
I walked in to the doctors surgery and and he said to me “pick a star sign any star sign” “I said Capricorn” He said “Nahh you got cancer”
A GUY GOES TO SEE HIS PSYCHIATRIST DRESSED ONLY IN BUBBLE WRAP. WHEN HE GETS THERE HE ASKED THE PSYCH, cAN YOU PLEASE HELP ME? THE PSYCH SAYS NO, I’M SORRY, I CAN CLEARLY SEE YOUR NUTS.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away… Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough…????
“I’m sorry,” the doctor says, “you have rare and very contagious disease. We must quarantine you and you’ll only be fed cheese and bologna.” “Will that cure me?” the patient asks. “Well, no,” the doctor replies, “but it’s the only food that will fit under the door.” %%(Tripple Pun) What did the momma grape say to the pappa grape? Raisin are kids is usually pretty fun, but some times they get sunburn and I have to take them to the doctor for dry skin.
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