Doctors jokes

Lil Jimmy:hey doc Doctor:hi sorry but I can’t see u any more Lil Jimmy:why Doctor: because Lil Jimmy I’m a family doctor your an orphan Lil Jimmy:????????

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A guy went to the doctor and told him that whenever he drinks a cup of tea his eye hurts ,the doctor brought him a cup and asked him to drink … when he finished the doctor told him : from now on take off the spoon.

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I’m a family doctor and I wish I could help but… you’re an orphan

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What’s the difference between an anal and oral thermometer? The taste.

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Person: I broke my arm in three places Doctor: well don’t go to those three places then.

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Place a man in a morgue, he’ll try to leave. Place a doctor in a morgue, he’ll go to work. Place a necrophiliac in a morgue, he’ll stay happy for a week.

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A guy is at home and he’s about to go get a physical at the Doctor’s office. When he gets there, the Doctor says, “Brian, you’re going to have to stop masturbating. ” He asked the Doc why? The Doc said, “So I can examine you!”

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An orphan goes to a doctor. Doctor: Sorry I can’t help you Orphan: But why? Doctor: I’m a family doctor

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You’re so short, when you were born, the doctor couldn’t tell if you were a boy, a girl, or a Jimmy Dean pork sausage.

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An apple a day keeps a doctor away… at least if you throw it hard enough Doctor: You’re as healthy as a horse! Jimmy: That’s great! Doctor: A horse with cancer.

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An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas. “I don’t understand it, Doc”, she said, “I have this terrible, terrible gas”. “Thankfully”, she added, “they are at least silent when I fart”. Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him. The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. “I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!”, she yelled. The doctor said, “well, now that we’ve solved your hearing problem, let’s see what we can do about that gas”.

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The doctor told me I had aids I said it’s your fault sister.

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Me: DOCTOR! DOCTOR! I HAVE 50 SECONDS TO LIVE! Doctor: sit down for a minute.

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My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!

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My doctor called me fat. I told him I wanted a second opinion and he said, “OK, you’re ugly too.”

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