By the way, this joke is easily found on Google, this was not created by me, I just have not seen it in these fat jokes so I thought I’d say it. Doctor: I diagnoss you with obesitiy. Patient: It runs in the family. Doctor: Nothing can run in your family.
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
Doctor : what makes you feel depressed? Me: I used to work at the word trade centre, before the plane hit. Doctor: a lot of people fell to pieces after that.
“Doctor, I’m shrinking!” “Well, you’ll just have to be a little patient.”
Why did the library book go to the doctor? – It needed to be checked out.
Woman: Doctor, where are we going? Doctor: To the morgue. Woman: I’m not dead yet, doctor. Doctor: We’re not at morgue yet, either
When does a doctor get mad? When he runs out of patients!
What’s the difference between Bird flu and swine flu? – For one you get tweetment, for the other you get oinkment.
A doctor is telling three women what they are addicted to. He says to the first one "You are addicted to money, you named your daughter Penny" He says to the second one "You are addicted to food, you named you daughter Candy" Then the third one whispers to her son “Come on Dick, lets go.”
You’re so short, when you were born, the doctor couldn’t tell if you were a boy, a girl, or a Jimmy Dean pork sausage.
A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it: Doctor: I have good news and bad news Guy" Whats the bad news Doc: They replaced your toe with a piece of candy Guy: Good news? Doc: You now have tic tac toe
What did the doctor say to the chinese patient? Sum ting wong
So theres a orphan in a hospital and the doctor walks up and says “sorry kid but this is a family hospital”
Me: DOCTOR! DOCTOR! I HAVE 50 SECONDS TO LIVE! Doctor: sit down for a minute.
Asian man goes to the eye doctor. Doctor says, “It looks like you have a cataract.” Asian guy says, “No Doc, I drive a Rincoln.”
RUS | ENG
