Why did the wall fall over? A drunk driver hit it going 90mph and died.
A drunk walks out of a bar late at night and see’s a nun walking past on the footpath. He utters something hateful to himself as he begins running building momentum before launching himself at the nun catching her with a massive superman punch to the back of the head knocking her tumbling brutally to the pavement. He proceeded with a swift kicking to the nuns ribs and spine before grabbing the nun by the scruff of her habbit and lifting her limp to her feet til face to face. Looking the nun dead in her eyes with menace the drunk victoriously growled. Your not so bloody tough tonight are ya Batman. Knock knock who"s there? it’s the grim reaper grim reaper who? The grim reaper who is about to come in your house smoke some weed drink some grim reaper liquor and then get drunk.
Jack and Jill went up the hill, they turned to drunks and have no will, Jill said to Jack your love reveal, then think of building me a still.
jill went up to a bar to play a game of pool then jack came in and asked jill if she wanted to ride in his new car she said i have to think then jack said at least let me by you a drink after 5 drinks he asked again this time she said yes so they got in the car and jack and jill roed up a hill to to jacks home then jack said (close your eiys i got a supries )so jack lead jill to his room then said open your ies so jill opend her iese then jack got them some red wine jack got drunk and unzipped his fly and jack said i know you wana she said no way so jack gave her one more drink then she passed out then jack htm title=' to jill then he did it till 3am'>ripped all his close off then he did the same to jill then he did it till 3am
A man sits in a bar and get seriously drunk to the point where he vomits on his shirt. He panics. The bartender asked, “What’s wrong sir?” The man reply’s, “I got drunk and vomited, my wife will kill me.” The bartender says, " put 20$ in the shirt and say someone puked on you and they paid you for the wash." So the man walks out the with 20$ he put in his shirt pocket. The next day the wife said, “Why is there vomit on your shirt?” The man says, “Someone puked on me and gave me 20$ bucks for the wash.” The wife pull out the money. “There is 40$-”, says the wife. “Oh, he also peed on me he paid for the wash to. ” The man walks away in belif he didn’t get caught by his wife.
A drunk walks into and says, “All lawyers are a$$holes!” A guy at the other end of the bar says, “I resent that!” The drunk says, “Why, are you a lawyer?” and the other guy says, “No, I’m an a$$hole!”
A drunk guy runs into a bar… he bangs his head and falls down, why? Because he is in a prison cell.
A man walks into a rooftop bar and takes a seat next to another guy. “What are you drinking?” he asks the guy. “Super Power Beer,” he says. “Oh, yeah? I doubt it?” Then he shows him: He swigs some beer, dives off the roof, and lands with no damage what so ever. He walks back into the bar. “Amazing!” the man says. “Let me have some!” The man grabs the beer. He drinks it, jumps off the roof —and falls 15 stories to the ground. Splat. The barman says. “You know, you’re a real idiot when you’re drunk, Superman.” A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says, “Holy shit, you’re so drunk, you can’t even walk!” The drunk says, “No shit, that’s why I took my car!”
My mom trying to get me to do dishes Mom: I gave you life and you should be able to wash dishes. Me: Why did you? Mom: I was very drunk… Explains a lot…
Man looks at his friend and says "if you and a friend go camping and you two get really drunk and in the morning you wake up with a condom in your butt would you tell anyone? " The friend says im a disgusted tone “No” So the man says “ok let’s go camping”
So I had an idea: you and a friend go bar (pub (whatever you call it)) hopping and propose to said friend in each htm title=' you get drunk and have a great time'>one so everyone buys you free drinks and you get drunk and have a great time
My dad…came over late at night…he was drunk…he started telling me how useless I was…then I went to the kitchen grabbed a knife and stabbed him in the htm title=' minutes later…he died…now I’m losing mind…and cutting myself…'>chest 47 times…3 minutes later…he died…now I’m losing mind…and cutting myself…
So one day, I took a trip to Russia, and saw Vladimir Putin walking in the streets without any body guards. Seeing as how I looked just like him, we switched places for a few days. After two days, some officer came up to me and asked if we were going to project [ì]ëÿòü, and I had said yes, and the officer said god help us. So a day later, I heard on the news that every other continent, and the moon were destroyed. I then approached the officer and said. I thought you meant we were having a giant orgy. He said we did, and that we were extremely drunk.
A man enters a bar with some friends, and they all sit down to a drink. After not too long, a man with glasses comes through the front door saying “Anyone who wants to fly off the third story balcony, come upstairs with me!” When no one listens, he shrugs, and everyone watches him go up the stairs. Ten seconds later, he comes back in through the door, again saying “Anyone who wants to fly off the third story balcony, come upstairs with me!” Everyone is amazed, and a few people leave to go fly with him. He keeps coming back into the bar, bringing more and more patrons to join him. The man at the bar is about to join in when the bartender finally sighs. "For the last time Superman, get out of my bar, you’re drunk and the only person here that can fly! " The man with glasses frowns. “Where did all the others go, then?”
How come yo mama did not come straight home from work last night? Because her daughter had sex with her boyfriend and got drunk.
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