What does an astronaut call his ex from space?
SpaceX
A guy walks into a bar with a revolver and yells, “WHO THE F*** F***ED MY WIFE!” A man in the back responds, “YOU AINT GOT ENOUGH BULLETS MATE!”
A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house. He got the outside.
I got hit by a bus but the bus was my ex
Me:Whats that sound? Ex:What? Me:oh its the elevator going up. BYEEEE see you on another level!
One day my ex best friend lied about his computer died when he left the call and watched youtube
I hate family reunions
I see too many of my ex’s there
The last thing i told my ex after we broke up was “at least we’re still cousins”??
MY GIRLFRIEND BROKE UP WITH ME YESTERDAY. i ASKED HER WHY. sHE SAID, BECAUSE YOU’RE A PEDOPHILE. I REPLIED, “PEDOPHILE! THAT’S A BIG WORD FOR AN EIGHT YEAR OLD.”
I had the WORST day ever. My ex was sent to the hospital from a gun, and I got my hunting license removed.
So 3 guys are walking down the street together and decide to go rob a bank. The first one goes for the richest man in the city’s vault but can’t open it easily, and is caught and sent to death in jail for robbing the richest man. The second one goes for his uncles vault because screw that son of a bh he’s rich why does he need all the money. But his uncle was unfortunately at the vault that day and snapped his nephews neck. The third one went for his ex’s vault and thought “well that bh can suck my dk she’s so poor anyway who would care if I take all her money so she dies of hunger and dehydration and homelessness” so he managed to get into her vault easily because it wasn’t heavily locked and took all her money. The next day the third guys ex showed up to his house and said “imma fg murder you” so she shot him dead and got her money from his house. In hell the three guys see each other and explain what happened. The third guy did and then asked “you know I don’t get it. If the richest guys are heavily guarded but already have so much money in their house why does it need to be heavily guarded? I don’t understand why the poorer aren’t heavily guarded when they are so poor they need the money.” And the first guy said “bh I don’t know maybe the bank tellers think poor people should suck it and just die already”
Ex Of Johnnys: I have a question. Johnny:What? Ex Of Johnnys: Am I pretty? Johnny: Yes ofc jesus mad everbody wonderfully! Ex: Awhh! Johnny: But who ever made you was painting tomas the train while making your face.
I was just informed that my ex was stabbed yesterday…lets just say i quit my job as a butcher
I had a horrible nightmare yesterday. I was in room filled with all of my ex’s, so I was completely alone.
On my signal, I would like you to drive onto the pavement (sidewalk) and run over my ex-wife.
Ex-Boy-Friend: You have no ass so we’re through! Me: Stop being a dick head dude!! It ain’t gonna make your little sausage any bigger!
My ex died today. I also lost my job as a butcher
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