Ex jokes

What’s the difference between depression and your ex? Depression f@cks you harder

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If I was an object in this world I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge I will likely shatter and break.

If I was a pizza topping I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.

I’m a star! Because one of these days I’m going to crash and burn…

If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die I’d be a panda,

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Today was a terrible day. My wife got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver

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I love to have sex and my name is lex which one should i be with next i really hate my ex i just saw a huge t rex and i think you probably saw this text

Welcome for the rhyme

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My ex misses me, good thing she’ll never hit me.

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What has two legs, two arms, one dead and covered in red? My ex wife.

So my ex who wouldn’t leave me alone because she thought I was the best person in the world even though will has a better haircut then me but anyway when we broke up she said I was the worst person she ever met and I told her she looks like a cross between a beaver and a mole rat. Then I told her she has the wendys logo haircut and then some other things I’m not gonna say. 2 years of bullshit I was done Anyways she cried lol

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My Smoothie Ingredients -Bananas -Strawberry -The Blood of my ex -Peanut Butter

Gf- You are a drug. Bf- Why cause you are addicted to me? Gf- No, because you are number one most wanted in Montana.

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I was hit by a car later my ex lost her bus job

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I just found out my ex got stabbed today…lets just say i lost my job as a butcher

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How did Helen Keller die? Her ex gave her plutonium and told her to eat it

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I have an exam next week so I called my ex and asked if she had any cheating tips

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#takemebacksophie

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What do you call someone who used to kill people? An ex-ecutioner.

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Me:Whats that sound? Ex:What? Me:oh its the elevator going up. BYEEEE see you on another level!

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A guy goes into his attic to clean it out and finds an old oil lamp. He thinks he could sell it instead of throwing it away, so he starts to rub it and out pops this genie. The genie says to him " Thank you for awakening me, I can grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude." The guy wishes for a billion dollars, the genie grants it. The guy then asks for a huge mansion with 2 Lamborghinis and 2 Ferraris, the genie grants it. The genie says “This is your last wish so really make this one count.” The guys says “Well I’ve always wanted to drive out to hawaiian islands, because airplanes scare me to death, so I would want a highway that could stretch from here all the way to the islands.” The Genie says “That is asking for quite a lot and I’m not sure if I can pull that off, Is there anything else you’d want?” The guy says "Well I’ve been married and divorced three times, and I just can’t understand what I’ve been doing wrong. I’ve given my ex-wives all the love and care that I could but in the end it was never enough. I would want to have the ability to understand women. The genie thinks for a few moments and says “Do you want a three or four lane highway?”

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