Ex jokes

if u tell a girl there pretty they wont believe u if u tell them their ugly their never forget it… elephants never forget.

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I love breakups, my ex-girlfriends always end up in pieces.

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one day my ex best friend lied about his computer died when he left the call and watched youtube

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I’ve been looking for my ex girlfriend’s killer for the past two years. But no one would do it.

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A guy goes into his attic to clean it out and finds an old oil lamp. He thinks he could sell it instead of throwing it away, so he starts to rub it and out pops this genie. The genie says to him " Thank you for awakening me, I can grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude." The guy wishes for a billion dollars, the genie grants it. The guy then asks for a huge mansion with 2 Lamborghinis and 2 Ferraris, the genie grants it. The genie says “This is your last wish so really make this one count.” The guys says “Well I’ve always wanted to drive out to hawaiian islands, because airplanes scare me to death, so I would want a highway that could stretch from here all the way to the islands.” The Genie says “That is asking for quite a lot and I’m not sure if I can pull that off, Is there anything else you’d want?” The guy says "Well I’ve been married and divorced three times, and I just can’t understand what I’ve been doing wrong. I’ve given my ex-wives all the love and care that I could but in the end it was never enough. I would want to have the ability to understand women. The genie thinks for a few moments and says “Do you want a three or four lane highway?”

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I love to have sex and my name is lex which one should i be with next i really hate my ex i just saw a huge t rex and i think you probably saw this text Welcome for the rhyme

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I was just informed that my ex was stabbed yesterday…lets just say i quit my job as a butcher

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What did the snail say to his ex-wife? I’m still leaving you!

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My ex died today. I also lost my job as a butcher

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I lost my drivers license today i hit my ex with my car

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A FED EX plane was carrying 375 fridges across Africa but the cargo door wasn’t shut properly but only 218 reached the desired destination. The rest landed in a remote village. How many fell out the plane? Time’s up! You took too long you only had 4 seconds to answer it. How do you put an elephant into the fridge that pushed out the cargo door? Open the fridge, put the elephant in and close the door. How do you put a giraffe into the fridge? Open the fridge, take out the elephant. Then put in the giraffe and close the door. Why did sally fall off the swing? Because she got hit by the other 156 refrigerators. How did she survive? Her idiot mother tried to pull her out and accidentally ripped both her arms off. But she was rescued 8 minutes later.

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Today my EX got trampled by a bunch of horse and sadly I lost my job as a horse trainer.

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Granny’s says. don’t worry the crys of pain are only my ex husbands

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Living in Houston Texas and realizing that hurricanes are a annual threat my ex wife call me and ask what would be the safest route to get out of Houston to avoid a hurricane. My answer take the 610 loop dear

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What do you call lesbians having sex? My cheating dyke ex wife!

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