Daughter: I know this is weird but I feel like that someone is watching me when I am sleeping.
Father: Sorry
Ya know I’m not to I to black girls, but Kobe’s daughter was smoking!!!
I’d tell a joke about my abusive dad but I only remember the punch line.
Dinosaurs are like my dad. I never got the see either of them and they are now extinct
Bully: I bet your dick is so small when you look down in the the sower you can’t even see it.
Guy: No I see your sister’s head
Father: I don’t trust you, You poured your seed in my daughter’s belly,. Son: But Paah you can’t fire me. Father: You’re lucky you’re my brother too or I’d kill you.
My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa, I asked “Why is it because he gives people presents?” Jimmy told me “No it’s because I hear so many good things about him but and how he’s gonna come home, but never see him.”
I’ll never forget my sister’s last word. “Is it edible?”
Dad: I’m giving all your toys to the orphanage Kid: Why are you doing that?
Dad: So you won’t get bored there
Dad: What did you learn in school today?
Timmy: Not enough, I guess, ‘cus I gotta go back tomorrow.
One day a father and a daughter were at a park. The daughter accidentally kills a butterfly. The father says, “Just because you killed the butterfly, you don’t get butter for a week.” They were there the next day, and the daughter kills a cockroach. The father laughs and says, “Nice try.”
What do you call a redneck sister who runs faster than her brothers?
A virgin.
A family of 3, a dad, a mom, and a 12 year old son are driving in the car when the dad says, “How about we play a little game of two truths and a lie. It’ll be fun.” “Ok,” the mom and son reply happily. “Let me start,” says the son. “Ok, go ahead,” replies the mom. “I hate video games, I hate school, and I love junk food,” says the son. “Ooh ooh! You do love junk food, you do hate school, and you don’t hate video games.” Says the mom. “Your right!” He replies. “I’ll go next,” says the dad. I love your mom, you’re adopted, and my dad almost died in WWII.” “Hmm… Your dad did not almost die in WWII, obviously I’m not adopted, and you do love my mom. ” Says the son. “The lie isn’t that your adopted.” Says the dad.
Why did the Santa go to work because he was just trying out the work???
My sister argued with me that you can’t make a car out of spaghetti, you should have seen her face when I drove pasta
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