Family jokes

Whats the difference between a school bus and my Dad’s van? Schools buses usually don’t have screaming and crying children

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When Bubba’s condom broke, he spent a lot of sleepless nights wondering if he was going to be an uncle or a dad.

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My dad is like Hurricane Katrina. I haven’t seen either sense 2005

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Kid: hey dad whats dark humor ? Dad: go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him . Kid: but dad I dont have any legs or arms . Dad: exactly son.

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I would name my daughter awesome so I can tell people that I’m f@cking awesome.

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Sometimes, I think back on all the mistakes I’ve ever made. Then I realize “My daughter isn’t THAT bad…”

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Dinosaurs are like my dad. I never got the see either of them and they are now extinct

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What do u call a grown up with ur sister, ur best friend

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jack and rose went on a cruise to do it in the water. jack seldom wore a condom, and now they have a daughter.

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I told my sister I was into incest. She took it really hard. ????

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A brother and a sister always got into fights. One day the brother tells the sister, “your adopted” the sister yells back, “At least they wanted me!”

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Dad: how was your trip to the park? Daughter: it was good until the man came along. Dad: gasps whatever happened, it wasn’t your fault, but tell Daddy, what happened? Daughter: he made my friends go away so it was just me and him… then he took my dress off… Dad: oh God, what next? Daughter: Nothing, that was it. Dad: oh, come on! that wasn’t exciting, make something up!

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daughter:dad why did mom do best? dad:nothing except pretend to love us and leave daughter:so she only loves my sister? dad:yep

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So I was in the car with my mom one time and we always joke about me being adopted (I am not) and Michael Jackson’s song Billie Jean sounds like my name and so my mom says, as the song is playing, (my name) is not my daughter, she’s just a girl who claims that I am her mum. Wow. applauds for mother Love you momma =)

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I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.

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