“I bought my little sister a trampoline for her birthday but all she wants to do is sit in her wheelchair and cry”
roses are red violets are violets my dad died in 9/11 and he was a good piolet
So I was in the car with my mom one time and we always joke about me being adopted (I am not) and Michael Jackson’s song Billie Jean sounds like my name and so my mom says, as the song is playing, (my name) is not my daughter, she’s just a girl who claims that I am her mum. Wow. applauds for mother Love you momma =)
Q: What’s the difference between me and cancer? A: My dad didn’t beat cancer…
Dad: how was your trip to the park? Daughter: it was good until the man came along. Dad: gasps whatever happened, it wasn’t your fault, but tell Daddy, what happened? Daughter: he made my friends go away so it was just me and him… then he took my dress off… Dad: oh God, what next? Daughter: Nothing, that was it. Dad: oh, come on! that wasn’t exciting, make something up!
A girl noticed hair growing between her legs and asked her mom about it. Her mom said it was her monkey and it grows hair.so she told her sister and her sister said that aint nothing mines already eating bananas
So my dad said to me and my sister don’t fight but did he mean “fist fight” or “yelling fight?”
Daughter: mommy what ever happened to Steven hawking? Mother: he died. Daughter: how did he die? Mother: he never got recharged.
Dad: What time do u wanna go to the dentist? Daughter: tooth hurty Dad: all right
Little Johnny catches his parents going at it and says “hey dad! Whatcha doin?” His father says “I’m filling your moms tank” Johnny says, “oh yeah well, you better get a model that gets better mileage because th milk man filled her up this morning.”
Just before Lockdown began, a woman took her 15 yr old son Tom, and 14, 16 and 18 yr old daughters Sally, Mary, and Annie and went to the family cabin in the mountains to wait it out, while her husband stayed in town as an essential worker. The weekly family zoom call went well enough…until the 8th week when the father noticed the 14 year old was looking a little…plump. By the 20th week the 16 year old’s shirt was starting to pull taut over her tummy, by the 25th the curve of the 18 yr old’s belly was rising over the edge of the table her laptop was perched on, and by the 30th week his wife and all 3 girls were very obviously 6 months pregnant, and the poor 14 year old was so huge she was obviously having triplets. So the father waited until he’d talked to his wife and daughters, and then asked if he could talk to his son alone. “Look, I know your mom and the girls are all pregnant. I’m not mad, I just want to know how it happened. We don’t have any neighbors up at the cabin, did you break quarantine and invite some hikers in, or go into town for supplies?” “No, Pop, we haven’t seen anyone since we left the city,” his son told him earnestly. “And we sure haven’t gone into town for supplies, I ran out of condoms on the second day here!”
The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, “Honey put down the knife we were only talking about getting a divorce.”
Daughter: Dad, what’s your opinion on abortions? Dad: Ask your sister Daughter: But I don’t have a sister Dad: Exactly
My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.
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