I would name my daughter awesome so I can tell people that I’m f@cking awesome.
So I’m banging the f@ck out of this slutty chick, right? And I’m thinking to myself, “She’s PROBABLY got AIDS.” So I go and get myself tested and, lo-and-behold, I’m positive. This gets me thinking, “Where the f@ck does an eight year old get AIDS? !” “Who has my sister been hanging out with?!”
I’ll always remember my dads last words… Why do you have an axe we live in the city
So there’s this uncle of female and male twins, and his sister, the mother of the twins, is stuck trying to think of a name for the children. The uncle says “I’ve got an idea!”, and the mother gets excited, thinking this could be it. She says "What should their names be?" The uncle replies “Well for your daughter, Denise” “That’s a nice name” comments the mother, “but what about my son?” The uncle simply replies “Denephew”.
What do you call a boomerang that never comes back? Daddy
jack and jill went down to hell to fetch ur mothers bladder her bladder broke u two are soaked and now u have a daughter cuz in that bladder was me
My sister and I were both adopted from the same country, and my parents say they got us on a “two for one special.”
A family of 3, a dad, a mom, and a 12 year old son are driving in the car when the dad says, “How about we play a little game of two truths and a lie. It’ll be fun.” “Ok,” the mom and son reply happily. “Let me start,” says the son. “Ok, go ahead,” replies the mom. “I hate video games, I hate school, and I love junk food,” says the son. “Ooh ooh! You do love junk food, you do hate school, and you don’t hate video games.” Says the mom. “Your right!” He replies. “I’ll go next,” says the dad. I love your mom, you’re adopted, and my dad almost died in WWII.” “Hmm… Your dad did not almost die in WWII, obviously I’m not adopted, and you do love my mom. ” Says the son. “The lie isn’t that your adopted.” Says the dad.
Tits are like Lego bricks. They’re there for the kid, but dad ends up playing with them.
Why can’t orphans go to daughter and dad dance night they don’t have a dad to go with.
A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings. Later, the girl’s mom says, “Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.” “Oh, please, Mom!” says the daughter. “If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”
One day I came home from school and said to my dad ‘I got expelled from school today’ he said ’ how’ I said I threw my book at the teacher’ he asked why’ I told him we were doing an anti-bullying program htm title=' so I threw my dictionary at her. ’'>and my teacher said words can’t hurt me so I threw my dictionary at her. ’
my mom said take out the trash and i said okay. the next day she asked “where is your sister”, and i said in line to get crushed.
Girl: How do you feel about abortion? Dad: Ask your sister Girl: I don’t have a …
I called my boss the other Monday and told him I needed the day off because I was sick. He said “how sick?”. I said “well I’m in bed with my 12 year old sister”.
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