Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be Wanted. Why are orphans bad at poker? They don’t know what a full house is. I saw a child crying yesterday so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage. What do you call an orphan’s family reunion? Me time. Did you know? The letter ‘f’ in orphan stands for family. What is an orphan’s least favorite song? We are Family. What’s an orphan’s least favorite tv show? Family Guy. What’s an orphan’s least favorite movie? Meet the Parents. What’s an orphan’s least favorite type of music? House. Next: Inappropriate Jokes What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot. What’s an orphan’s favorite band? Foster the People. What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan. Where do orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms What beer do orphans drink? Foster’s. Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk. What do you call a fish with no parents? An orfin Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it’s the only love they get. Me: Are you an orphan? Orphan: Yes, what gave me away? Me: Your parents.
When you’re f@cking your boss’s daughter, then you realize that you are self-employed.
jack and jill went up the hill to do it in the water. jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter
My friends daughter is taking a job in California parking cars. She says she wants to be a valet girl. For sure. For sure.
How do you give a redneck a circumcision? Kick his sister in the jaw.
So three daughters were sitting in the same room as their mother, the first daughter asked why she was named Daisy. So the mother replies “Because when we were taking you out of the hospital, a daisy landed on your forehead.” The second daughter asked why she was named Rose. So the mother explained “Same as Daisy, when you we were taking you out of the hospital, a rose petal landed on your forehead.” The third daughter then said “ksvrjxbdkavdowbxksb” so the mother said “Shut Up Brick!”
Dinosaurs are like my dad. I never got the see either of them and they are now extinct
Most states: “It’s ok, it won’t be awkward. We’re still friends.” Alabama: “She didn’t wanna be my girlfriend anymore. But she said she’ll still be my sister.”
What’s the difference between a clock and an orphans dad? The clock comes back around.
Teacher: Ok class I’m going to ask a question about your family. Alex: Miss my Dad died In 9/11 Teacher: OH NO IM SO SORRY! Alex: Don’t worry miss It was only Dad and besides he did what he wanted before he died. Teacher: What was that? Alex: Flew the plane.
What did the the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
My friend’s mother was never a font of sympathy, but always the one to see beyond the darkness. Upon learning about her daughter’s cancer diagnosis she said, “Well honey, at least you’ll lose some weight!"
What do you call a boomerang that never comes back? Daddy
My sister and I were both adopted from the same country, and my parents say they got us on a “two for one special.”
I told my friend yesterday he’s literally my dad. He didn’t show up for the rest of the year.
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