A little boy got the homework that he had to learn the four first letters of the alphabet. He went to his mother, who was knitting and had hurt herself. He asked her what the first letter of the alphabet was, and she said a swear word. He wen’t to his brother, who was playing with a superman, and asked what the second letter of the alphabet was, and he answered ‘SUPERMAN!!!’. Then he went to his little sister, and asked what the third letter of the alphabet was, and given the fact that she was playing with Barbies, she said "in the barbie dream house! Then he went to his father who was watching a soccer game, and his team just scored, so when he asked what the fourth letter of the alphabet was, he said ‘Ole Ole Ole!!!’. The next day at school, the teacher asked the little boy what the first four letters of the alphabet were. He said the swear word. ‘WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOUNG MAN!!!’, the teacher boomed. ‘Superman’, the boy replied. ‘WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!?!?!’, the teacher continued. ‘In the Barbie Dream House’ ‘GO TO THE PRINCIPALS OFFICE! !!’ ‘OLE OLE OLE OLE!’, the boy chanted on his was down the hall.
Daughter: Mommy? Mom: Hey Daughter: What kind of kids do they use to make sour patch kids? Mom: They don’t use kids to make sour patch kids Daughter: Oh that’s why the ones I made taste kind of funny…
So three daughters were sitting in the same room as their mother, the first daughter asked why she was named Daisy. So the mother replies “Because when we were taking you out of the hospital, a daisy landed on your forehead.” The second daughter asked why she was named Rose. So the mother explained “Same as Daisy, when you we were taking you out of the hospital, a rose petal landed on your forehead.” The third daughter then said “ksvrjxbdkavdowbxksb” so the mother said “Shut Up Brick!”
dark humor is like a dad not everyone gets it
Q: What did the drunk emo say to the bartender? A: Nothing! He was hung over. My sister thinks shes so smart, shes said onions are the only food that makes you cry So I threw a coconut at her
My parents raised me as an only child, which really pissed off my sister.
I was once caught doing it with a 16 year old in my bedroom. Boy was my wife mad. She yelled “HOW CAN YOU F… OUR DAUGHTER?!”. Haha yeah she was mad. Anyways thats why your mother and I are getting a divorce Timmy.
You wanna know what i want for Christmas? My dad to come back with the milk he said he was gonna get.
What did Luke Skywalker say when he saw someone bullying his sister? You better not Leia finger on her!
My mom is the jelly and my dad is the peanut butter And I am the bread the only thin keeping them together.
So a girl goes to Santa in the mall, and Santa asks what she would like for Christmas. So the kid says: “a little sister”. So then Santa says: “bring me your mother!”
Kid:what is between moms legs? Dad:paridise. Kid whats between you legs? Dad:the key to paridise. Kid:well uou better change the lock the neighbor has the key to.
Q: What’s the difference between me and cancer? A: My dad didn’t beat cancer…
I would name my daughter awesome so I can tell people that I’m f@cking awesome.
Teacher: You cant be here after school without a parent! Orphan: -no response-
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