A doctor is telling three women what they are addicted to. He says to the first one "You are addicted to money, you named your daughter Penny" He says to the second one "You are addicted to food, you named you daughter Candy" Then the third one whispers to her son “Come on Dick, lets go.”
Father: I don’t trust you, You poured your seed in my daughter’s belly,. Son: But Paah you can’t fire me. Father: You’re lucky you’re my brother too or I’d kill you.
Son: Dad am I adopted? Father: What? No! Out of all the kids in the adoption center do you really think I would pick u?
Just before Lockdown began, a woman took her 15 yr old son Tom, and 14,16 and 18 yr old daughters Sally, Mary, and Annie and went to the family cabin in the mountains to wait it out, while her husband stayed in town as an essential worker.
The weekly family zoom call went well enough…until the 8th week when the father noticed the 14 year old was looking a little…plump. By the 20th week the 16 year old’s shirt was starting to pull taut over her tummy, by the 25th the curve of the 18 yr old’s belly was rising over the edge of the table her laptop was perched on, and by the 30th week his wife and all 3 girls were very obviously 6 months pregnant, and the poor 14 year old was so huge she was obviously having triplets.
So the father waited until he’d talked to his wife and daughters, and then asked if he could talk to his son alone.
“Look, I know your mom and the girls are all pregnant. I’m not mad, I just want to know how it happened. We don’t have any neighbors up at the cabin, did you break quarantine and invite some hikers in, or go into town for supplies?”
“No, Pop, we haven’t seen anyone since we left the city,” his son told him earnestly. “And we sure haven’t gone into town for supplies, I ran out of condoms on the second day here!”
So there’s a little girl playing hopscotch at the front of her house while her mother hangs up the washing and her father mows the lawn. She says “Step on a crack and you break your mother’s back,”. The father laughs, until his daughter steps on a crack resulting in her mother’s back breaking. The little girl’s father looks in terror, she then says “step on a line and you break your father’s spine,”. The father closes his eyes waiting for his spine to break, but nothing happens. When he opens his eyes again he sees that he is ok, and nothing has happened to him. Suddenly he hears someone yell out “OW MY SPINE, ”. The father runs around the corner to see the mailman laying on the floor.
A proud new dad sits down with his own father.
His father says, “Son,you now have a child of your own, so I think it’s time I gave you this.” And so, he pulls out a book: 1001 Dad Jokes.
The young man says, “Dad, I’m honored, ” as tears well up in his eyes. His father says, “Hi, Honoured, I’m Dad.”
His father says, “Hi, Honoured, I’m Dad.”
One day I came home from school and said to my dad ‘I got expelled from school today’ he said ’ how’ I said I threw my book at the teacher’ he asked why’ I told him we were doing an anti-bullying program htm title=' so I threw my dictionary at her. ’'>and my teacher said words can’t hurt me so I threw my dictionary at her. ’
I cought my girlfriend cheating on me, with our dad.
Q:What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A:How do you breathe through that little thing?
I woke up to my daughter riding me in bed. I asked “What are you doing?” She replied, “Making a Creampie.”
Girl: How do you feel about abortion? Dad: Ask your sister Girl: I don’t have a …
Son: Dad? Why is mommy no longer with us? Dad: Why did the chicken cross the road? Son:why? Dad: To get to the other side but your mother only made it about halfway
%%Dad: “Son, does mommy like having lady-friends over?”
Son: “Nah, mostly men.”
Dad: “Do you think you’d be comfortable telling that to a judge in court…”
What’s the difference between Nemo and my dad? Nemo was eventually found.
The doctor told me I had aids I said it’s your fault sister.
A girl noticed hair growing between her legs and asked her mom about it. Her mom said it was her monkey and it grows hair.so she told her sister and her sister said that aint nothing mines already eating bananas
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