Family jokes

My Aunt visited and saw all of the stuff around the house my mom had kept over the years and said “If you have something that no one likes, and it only makes people upset, or its useless, throw it away.” the next time my Aunt visited she said “Where is you daughter? ” my Mom said “I took your advice”

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You wanna know what i want for Christmas? My dad to come back with the milk he said he was gonna get.

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A proud new dad sits down with his own father.

His father says, “Son,you now have a child of your own, so I think it’s time I gave you this.” And so, he pulls out a book: 1001 Dad Jokes.

The young man says, “Dad, I’m honored, ” as tears well up in his eyes.

His father says, “Hi, Honoured, I’m Dad.”

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Jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water, jack slipped and the condom ripped now they have a daughter

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I was watching my daughter at a park she was playing with a few people another parent came up to me and said which was is yours, just for fun i said “i am still choosing” she looked horrified

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I called my boss the other Monday and told him I needed the day off because I was sick. He said “how sick?”. I said “well I’m in bed with my 12 year old sister”.

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What is the diffrence between a snow woman and a snowman? Snowballs

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Why do orphans eat cereal with water? because their dad never came home with the milk

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What makes a joke a dad joke?

I don’t know. I don’t even have one as an example.

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A salesman rings the door bell and Little Johnny answers. Salesman: “Can I see your dad?” Johnny: “No, he’s in the shower.” Salesman: “What about your mother? Can I see her?” Johnny: “Nope. She’s in the shower, too.” Salesman: “Do you think they’ll be out soon?” Johnny: “Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead.”

I once heard my dad shout I’m going to be like frozen and let it go then I heard a gunshot

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I was thinking of a good accident joke and I asked my sister, she said you

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Once my sister was a sister now shes a blister

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So my dad said to me and my sister don’t fight but did he mean “fist fight” or “yelling fight?”

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My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media — it was a picture of me.

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I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday. I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.

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