Fire jokes

I live next to a kindergarten and yesterday they had a fire drill. It was kinda weird because normally it’s me who has a drill around little children.

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A is for Amy who fell down the stairs. B is for Basil assaulted by bears. C is for Clara who wasted away. D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh. E is for Ernest who choked on a peach. F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech. G is for George smothered under a rug. H is for Hector done in by a thug. I is for Ida who drowned in a lake. J is for James who took lye by mistake. K is for Kate who was struck with an axe. L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks. M is for Maud who was swept out to sea. N is for Neville who died of ennui. O is for Olive run through with an awl. P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl. Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire. R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire. S is for Susan who perished of fits. T is for Titus who flew into bits. U is for Una who slipped down a drain. V is for Victor squashed under a train. W is for Winnie embedded in ice. X is for Xerxes devoured by mice. Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in. Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin

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What’s the difference between a Cop and a bullet? When a bullet kills someone it gets fired. I usually dont make 9/11 jokes. But they just are fire.

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Hey God what are you making? Just a wooden stick that lights on fire sounds like a match made in heaven

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What are so special about bullets ? :- They do work after they are fired

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Why did the little boy cross the road multiple times? He stepped on an IED after being mutilated on a chopping block that was on fire with a table saw and multiple gallows which were infested with flaming termites with splotches of blood all over him from his eyes after they were squashed with a brick.

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I had a friend who was a deep sleeper. One day, a fire started in his house. Now he’s a really deep sleeper.

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I love fire. My friends love it too. When i set them on fire, they run around and scream. They sometimes get so tired they immediately fall asleep forever. Also, they need a shower.

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Q: Why did the chef get fired? A: He took cooking advice from Hitler!

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Once upon a time, there were three kingdoms, all bordering on the same lake. For centuries, these kingdoms had fought over an island in the middle of that lake. One day, they decided to have it out, once and for all. The first kingdom was quite rich, and sent an army of 25 knights, each with three squires. The night before the battle, the knights jousted

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