Hell jokes

Give Kobe a plane ticket, he’ll fly for the trip, but give Kobe a helicopter and he’ll fly for the rest of his life. I’M GOING TO HELL FOR THIS!!!

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So I was watching YouTube and then my Friend says “Those videos never get old” and I replied “Just like a Make-A-Wish kid” and after I said that he shot me in the head and said “And now neither do you.” And now I’m in heaven and God says to me “Welcome to Paradise where it is summer days, clear skies and I said “Are there summer women” and now here I am in Hell with my buddy Hitler. I believe he’s a hero. After he killed Hitler

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A man needs to leave for lengthy a business trip, but his wife is saddened by this. She explains to him that if he isn’t home every night, there will be no way to satisfy herself if she feels horny. The man claims that she doesn’t need sex, because a dildo should work just fine. He quickly runs to the local gift shop and asks the cashier if the store carries anything

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An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a third of a beer. The bartender bellows, “Get the hell out of here, are you trying to ruin me?”

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Do you know how to make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

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If your sleeping, and you fall in your dream, you may have died, and the angels dropped you Or you don’t wake up, and you were on your way to hell

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A group of Astronauts, a Mechanic, a Pilot & a Communications operator are on a very important mission to Mars when one of their solar panels gets grazed by a meteorite. And so the Astronauts quickly assemble in the hull to the they get orders from the ground. Once the Communications operator turned on coms, their man on the ground told the Pilot to continue their course & to send the Mechanic out to fix the problem. As the Mechanic worked on finishing repairing the solar panel, the Pilot & Communications operator told each other dark jokes when out of nowhere a meteorite field appeared! The Ground operator frighteningly shouted “Get him back in the ship!” to the Communications operator. “Chill out, he’ll be fine.” The Pilot assured him. “Get him the hell out of there, that’s an order!” The Ground operator argued. Then thirty seconds later the Communications operator came back from the air shoot & asked “Now what?”

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me:gives her 5 dollars climb that flag pole cute female:takes the money and goes up the flag pole is this good me:hell yeah thats a nice veiw next day heres 10 dollars if u do it again she goes up there me:hows the veiw she goes home and her mom sees the money her mom:where u getting this money her daughter:i climbed a flagpole her mom:you know he just want u to to see ur panties right she goes back and does it again but doesnt wear panties me:holy shit ;-; her mom:did u do it again her daughter: dont worry mom he didnt get to see my panties her mom:…

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My friend:What are you doing Me:I?m making holy water My friend:How? Me:I?m boiling the hell out of it.

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3 people died and went to Hell. One of them is from America, the second guy is from Germany, and the third guy is from Afghanistan. The devil lets each person make a phone call to their loved ones in the country they came from but they will be charged. The American spends 10 minutes on the phone and is charged $20. The German spends 12 minutes on the phone and is charged $24. The man from Afghanistan spends half an hour on the phone and is charged nothing. The other two guys asked the devil why. The devil responded: “Local calls are free”.

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Jaylie ??: I don’t care, what he said was so out of line! Harvey ??: It’s funny! Jaylie?? : He said “Stupid, silly bitch face I raised! I should have known!” That’s not funny, harv! Harvey ??: Come on Jay. Give Chris a chance? Jaylie ??: Sorry but I’m a stupid, silly bitch face he raised. He should have known! Harvey??: That’s not true! Jaylie ??: He even made fun of Kalierien. She is so sensitive! Harvey ??: SHUSH!!! Kalierien??: Hi guys hows your day? Harvey??: Good! Jaylie ??: Mine was like living in hell! Kalierien: ??SAME!!!

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NINA YOU BETTER RUN TO HELL YOUR GOING THERE ANYWAY!!! YOU DONT BE MEAN TO ALEX!!! HE IS SWEET KIND LOVING AND PROTECTIVE!!!

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