What’s black and white and red all over? The prisoner I just hit with my car.
There were three people on the third floor of a building the first one took a bite of a apple then said it was too hard so he threw it out the window the second person took a bite of a lemon he said it was too sour so he threw it out the window the third guy was drunk, he took a bite of a grenade and thought it was to crunchy so he threw it out the window then one of them went downstairs he saw a dog laying on the ground dead the apple had hit the dog in the head then there was a little girl crying with her cat in her lap it had died because the lemon fell out the window and hit it in the head next there was a old guy laughing i asked him why he was laugh he said “i farted and the building behind me blew up”.
tell a dark joke to an orphan then hit them they’ll get the punchline right away
Today was a bad day. First My ex got hit by a bus. Then I lost my job as a bus driver
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
friend: hits head* others: how many fingers am i holding up? me: to friend* how suicidal am i on a scale from one to ten? friend: ten me: hes fine guys
When earthquakes hit coffins become maracas underground
I was hit on by president kennedy, too bad i shot him down
My ex girlfriend got hit by a bus. I also lost my bus drivers licence.
I was working for Space X. I was instructed to control a satellite’s orbit rotation when suddenly the screen went black. I investigated and found out one of Penaldos penalty had hit and destroyed the satellite. Shame on you Penaldo for ruining my dream job!
Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don’t have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan : he tells his friend “We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks but then when the bill comes you get down and suck on the hot-dog and it’ll look like you’re sucking on my dick so then we’ll get thrown out without paying and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again”. His friend agrees so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude’s pants, go to the bar and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, “Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!” The first guy says “Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!”
Q: what’s stronger than family? A: whatever tree Paul walker hit
Whats the point of hiding the screaming speedbump you ran over? You might as well hit it again to A: Stop the screaming B:Make it look like an actually speed bump and C: … You think its Hilarious the noise it makes when you ran over its stomach
Yo mama so dumb she got hit by a cup and told the police she got mugged.
What do you do when your dish washer stops working Hit your wife harder
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