Employer: Can you preform under pressure? Me: No, but i do a pretty good Bohemian Rhapsody.
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
A man walked into a shop and asked the shop keeper for a potato-clock. The shop keeper said, "I dont know what a potato clock is’ The man said, "me neither but im starting a new job and my boss told me work starts at 9 so id have to get a potato clock
Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain… Me: So… You’re new? Depression: (I don’t know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading… You know… Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job… Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we’re friends! Me: Interesting… (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it’s problemos) Me: Well I think you’re signed up! I’ll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :) AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]
A dad told his son never to hit girls so the sun repeid i promis. When the sun got older he was doing the dirty with "a girl " and the girl sais spank me daddy… and the sons repsonds my dad said never to hit a girl. and the “girl” takes of the wig and its his dad and the dad said good job son!.. Son:… um
Why is there a lot of whites in hockey? It’s the only other job that involves beating something black other than being a cop
I GOT a job as a pencil sharpener I would tell you about it but you wouldn’t get the point.
You dream with 4k As a son I was starting to do pranks. I told my mom’s boyfriend that she cheated on him, and she don’t want to be with him no more, and I told him that my mom said that he had a small penis. He left my mom, and she was mad at me. I thought it was funny. Then I told my friend girlfriend that he cheated on her with another girl, and the girl told me that my friend had a small penis. He found out, and wanted to co front me in my house. I wasn’t home. My friend told my mom what happen then my mom said the same thing happen to me. I came home one day I saw my mom giving my friend a blow job I ask what’s going on. My friend told your mom is my new girlfriend & my mom said this is the penis of my dreams.
i just found out my ex got stabbed today…lets just say i lost my job as a butcher
What did they call Susan B. Anthony when she was sleeping on the job? Snoozin’ B. Anthony!
If you were to ask me, ‘What is the easiest job in the world?’, it would be an Australian psychiatrist. “G’Day, G’Day…how you doing…no worries, next!”.
where do mermaids get a job? at the kelp wanted station
As a son I like sports and I watch sports with my mom. So one day we were looking at football. My mom ask me who makes the most money I said the quarter back. My mom told me I going to get a quarter back has my new boyfriend and it be your new step father. a week lady my mom went out I came home I see my mom making out with a high school kid. I said whats going on my mom said look my new boyfriend and new step father is the high school quarter back. My mom said see mission accomplish. I said yeah job well done.
My grief counselor died the other day He was so good at his job, i don’t even care.
Why did the dwarf get a job at lidl? Because every lidl heps
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