I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. – A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
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Why is there a lot of whites in hockey? It’s the only other job that involves beating something black other than being a cop
I was working for Space X. I was instructed to control a satellite’s orbit rotation when suddenly the screen went black. I investigated and found out one of Penaldos penalty had hit and destroyed the satellite. Shame on you Penaldo for ruining my dream job!
my job is so amazing. today a man asked me to check his balance, so i pushed him over. his balance isn’t good
So your in a hospital you barely survive your suicide attempt you see one of the scalpels you finish the job
You know a parana can devour a small child in 30 seconds Any way I lost my job at the aquarium today
Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain… Me: So… You’re new? Depression: (I don’t know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading… You know… Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job… Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we’re friends! Me: Interesting… (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it’s problemos) Me: Well I think you’re signed up! I’ll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :) AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]
(To a mexican person) When i first met you I thought you were going to say,My name is enrique i have a job for you.
I lost my job by giving up my seat to someone I didn’t know you’re not supposed to do that if you’re a bus driver!
Today my EX got trampled by a bunch of horse and sadly I lost my job as a horse trainer.
Boobs are like batteries… AA will get the job done… C is bigger than AA… D is bigger that C… …and if they’re square, you don’t want to put your tongue on them!
a surgeon loses his job as he botched a surgery boss: “we have to let you go.” surgeon: “I protest innocence.” boss: “how?” surgeon: “I thought to do your job and saving people’s lives were two different things. ” boss: “get out”
What do you call sex in the world trade center? An inside job.
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
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