Why did the dwarf get a job at lidl? Because every lidl heps
I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5… ?…and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus. I was disgusted. I thought to myself, “What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?”
What would be a good job for a fat person? A four-chin teller!!
My grief counselor died the other day He was so good at his job, i don’t even care.
where do mermaids get a job? at the kelp wanted station
a surgeon loses his job as he botched a surgery boss: “we have to let you go.” surgeon: “I protest innocence.” boss: “how?” surgeon: “I thought to do your job and saving people’s lives were two different things. ” boss: “get out”
Today I learned that a group of piranhas can maul a small child down to the bone in under 20 seconds. Well I lost my job at the aquarium today.
You know a parana can devour a small child in 30 seconds Any way I lost my job at the aquarium today
I saw a child crying yesterday so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.
I hate these double standards. if you burn a body at a crematorium you’re "doing a good job" if you do it at home you’re “destroying evidence”
My ex boyfriend’s dick is so small that instead of giving him a handjob I had to give him a thumb and forefinger job.
The Wine Taster At An Old Vineyard Died. A Homeless Guy, Looking Ragged And Dirty, Came To Apply. He Persuaded The Manager To Give Him A Try. The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped and spit. “It’s a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels." He said. “Impressive,” said the manager. The man is given another. "Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the Northeast slope, stored in a steel vats.” The manager was amazed. He winked at his secretary. The secretary understood and brought out a glass of urine. The drunkard tasted it and said. “It’s a blond, 27 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don’t get this job, I’ll tell who the father is!” How did the security guard at the orchid get better at his job? He got an Apple Watch.
A man walked into a shop and asked the shop keeper for a potato-clock. The shop keeper said, "I dont know what a potato clock is’ The man said, "me neither but im starting a new job and my boss told me work starts at 9 so id have to get a potato clock
Today was a terrible day. My wife got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver
Man: I got fired from my job at the calander factory. Lady: What did you do? Man: I took a day of… My grief counsellor died today. He did such a great job. I don’t even care
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