Job jokes

What’s the difference between a pizza delivery guy and a cop.

Pizza guys get punished for not doing their jobs properly

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Today was a bad day. First My ex got hit by a bus. Then I lost my job as a bus driver

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What do you not want to do when it comes to giving an emo a job?

Showing them the ropes.

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A scarecrow said this job isn’t for everyone. But HAY! its in my jeans

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What’s the difference between your job and a dead hooker? your job still sucks

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John: hi boss it is raining heavily today so I would not be coming

Boss: u stated in ur job application that swimming was it hobby so see u at at 11am

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I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. – A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

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I lost my job by giving up my seat to someone I didn’t know you’re not supposed to do that if you’re a bus driver!

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Why did the hooker quit her job?

She had a nut allergy

Cindy goes up to her dad and says: "Daddy, can I have $100 for a new dress?" Her dad almost gags and says: "$100! You’re only 12, what do you want with such an expensive dress?" Cindy says: "Well daddy, I’ll look really pretty in it and I promise to look after it …" Dad gives in and says: “OK, give me a head-job then”. He flops it out and Cindy just get the end in her mouth and goes: "Eeee-yooo — that taste’s like shit! " Dad goes: “Well, your brother wanted to borrow the car this afternoon …”

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So i was asleep and woke up and went to work my wife left already to her job i was driving my car and ran over someone i woke up in my bed realized it was htm title=' the my wife got hit bye a car'>all a dream 20 minutes later i got a phone call the my wife got hit bye a car

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What’s the difference between a job and a wife

The job keeps sucking after 5 years

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The teacher asked the class what sound does a cow make mooo said sally good job said the teacher what sound does a sheep make baa said jack good now what sound does a pig make little johnny raised his hand really high in the sky the teacher called him he said htm title=' ur hands on ur head u black moterf@cker'>the pig says get on the ground and put ur hands on ur head u black moterf@cker

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Three men are travelling through the desert when their single camel dies. They walk for a while but then it becomes night. Desperate for shelter, suddenly they stumble across a tent and inside is three beautiful women. The men were not only lost but horny too so they begin to have sex with the women. But the tent belongs to a prince and these three women were his wives so he is very angry when he arrives an hour later and sees three strangers having sex with his wives. He tells the three men he will chop off their penises as punishment, in some way relating to their job. He asks the first man what his job is: The guy says, "I’m a fireman" The prince says, "Then we’ll burn your dick off!" The second guy says, "I’m an employee at the shooting range" The prince says, "Then we’ll shoot your dick off! " The third guy smiles and says, "I’m a lollipop salesman

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My grief counselor died the other day

He was so good at his job, i don’t even care.

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Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain…

Me: So… You’re new?

Depression: (I don’t know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm!

Me: Well what are your skills?