Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last as long for fat people.
All you need is a Razor Blade in life.
My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!
And the Lord said unto John, “Come forth and you will receive eternal life.” But John came fifth, and he got a toaster.
My family loves to have dance parties. My dad will just play music from his iPod, and I’ll go to the light switch and make a nice strobe light effect. Everyone loves it, especially my younger cousin. He gets down on the floor and starts breakdancing! It makes him so happy, and he needs that extra joy in his life, especially since the doctor recently diagnosed him with epilepsy.
Jesus said to his disciples “Go forth and ye shall receive eternal life”. Thomas came fifth however so he only got a toaster.
Kid: what is the biggest mistake you made in your life. Parents: go look above the bathroom sink *kid goes and looks but then he reilises
im not suicidal im just speedrunning life
Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain… Me: So… You’re new? Depression: (I don’t know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading… You know… Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job… Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we’re friends! Me: Interesting… (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it’s problemos) Me: Well I think you’re signed up! I’ll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :) AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]
What’s the difference between a knife and my life? A knife has a point.
What made me laugh? The fact that my life is a joke:")
it says enter a joke, but I can’t enter my life.
I am trying to re comment something that used to be on here, but is no longer on here. Here are some rules to make a good joke: 1: don’t say “my life” 2: proof read your joke, and make sure people can read it/have good grammar in it 3: And don’t re post things (although this last one is hippocritical because this was me trying to repost something but it is still a good rule to go by)
The twin towers was basically angry birds but in real life
My life is a lot like a game of Black Jack I always hit on 16, the get busted
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