Life jokes

And the Lord said onto John, “Come forth to receive eternal life”. But John came fifth and won a toaster.

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What’s the similarity between a broken pencil and my life? They’re both pointless.

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What’s a depressed person’s least favorite type of cereal??? LIFE

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life’s too short to want it.

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If being ugly was a crime u would get a life sentence

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A penis has a sad life. His hair is a mess. His family is nuts. His neighbor is an asshole. His best friend is a pussy. And his owner beats him.

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Kid: what is the biggest mistake you made in your life. Parents: go look above the bathroom sink *kid goes and looks but then he reilises

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When you are suicidal comedic relief sometimes helps. These jokes sometimes help you realize how many more people feel the way you do and how ridiculous it sounds sometimes. But joke time… I’m giving in my two week resignation to life… it’s not you … it’s me!!!

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All you need is a Razor Blade in life.

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What made me laugh? The fact that my life is a joke:")

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Little Johnny was sitting in class, and he was behind a girl called Sally. The teacher asks the class, “Who created the Earth?” And Little Johnny pokes Sally in the back with his sharpened pencil, and she jumps and says, “MY GOD!” And the teacher says, “Yes, Sally, God did create the Earth.” Sally sits down. Then, the teacher asks, “Where do you go after you live a good life?” and Little Johnny pokes Sally again, and she jumps up and says, “HEAVENS TO BETSY!” And the teacher says, “Yes Sally. You will go to heaven after you live a good life.” Sally sits down, knowing full well Little Johnny was poking her. Sally gave Little Johnny an angry glare, and she turns around. And then, the teacher asks the class, “What did Eve say to Adam after their 77th child?” and Little Johnny pokes Sally HARDER this time in the back, and Sally jumps, turns around and says, “If you stick that thing in me one more time, I swear I’m gonna lose it!” And the teacher faints.

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Tell a woman she’s beautiful a hundred times and she won’t believe you. Tell a woman she’s fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.

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Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last as long for fat people.

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Remember kids, when you’re angry, burn down an orphanage. Then they’ll really be living the hard knock life.

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I wish I could say that my life is a joke but I can’t because jokes have a meaning

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