Nobody Literally nobody Gordan Ramsey: do you need me to bring Hitler back to life so he can show you how to use a f@cking oven
I was talking to a beaver about my life. I dont think he really gave a dam about it at all.
twinkle, twinkle little star. I hope i’ll get hit by a car. am not dead yet, i hope i’ll die. I hope i’ll born to a new hole life.
my happiest moment in life was getting a positive grade on my h.i.v test w/out studying
In what ways do nuns and hoes have something in common? They both worship on their knees. They are both creatures of habit. They both take vows of poverty and obedience. Once chosen, neither can leave the life. They both swallow their hosts.
If being ugly was a crime u would get a life sentence
What do you do when life gives you lemons Slit your wrist and give a lemon a twist.??????
What’s Thanos’ favorite game? Half-life
As a child, my mother always told me she was going horse riding. My whole life change when I found out she was under the horse.
Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain… Me: So… You’re new? Depression: (I don’t know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading… You know… Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job… Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we’re friends! Me: Interesting… (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it’s problemos) Me: Well I think you’re signed up! I’ll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :) AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]
You know what relationships and life? They both come to an end
If I was an object in this world I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge I will likely shatter and break. If I was a pizza topping I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me. I’m a star! Because one of these days I’m going to crash and burn… If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die I’d be a panda, because people
Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last as long for fat people.
How do you know when an orphan is lying. When they say I swear on my mother’s life
When you are suicidal comedic relief sometimes helps. These jokes sometimes help you realize how many more people feel the way you do and how ridiculous it sounds sometimes. But joke time… I’m giving in my two week resignation to life… it’s not you … it’s me!!!
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