Today I learned that a group of piranhas can maul a small child down to the bone in under 20 seconds. Well I lost my job at the aquarium today.
Today was a bad day. First My ex got hit by a bus. Then I lost my job as a bus driver
I just found out my ex got stabbed today…lets just say i lost my job as a butcher
Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory? Many soles were lost.
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, “Awwww, I wish my friends were here.”
A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, “I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram.” She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer. Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word “comfortable.” Skeptical, the operator asks, “How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word? ” The redhead replies, “She’s a blonde so she reads slow: ‘Come for ta bull.’”
Whats one thing youll never find in lost and found? your dad
One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing intercourse, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive!
My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair Guess who came crawling back
Guess who came crawling back
Why are americans so bad at chess? Because they lost two towers
Chris Rock: Jada I can’t wait to see you in G.I Jane 2!
Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song starts playing:
Will: I got in one lil fight about my wife’s lost hair, she said,‘’ Will if you don’t do something I’m gonna have an affair!‘’???
I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage.
I lost my case.
I lost my black friend in the shadows. I lost my white friend on the wall. I lost my Asian friend in the sand and I lost my Islamic friend in the bombings.
My Mum texted me she had lost her phone
A little kid was lost and he asked me to find his home, I love working at the orphanage
Why does us suck at chess? we lost both our towers. Why is england so good at chess? they still have their queen. Why does russia suck at chess? they only have pawns
RUS | ENG
