Nut jokes

Anybody know a girl named Candice? she just added me on snap

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What did the squirrel say to the dog?

There are nuts in your poop. I found them.

:(

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[Çàïðåò ïóáëèêàöèè îò ÐÎÑÊÎÌÍÀÄÇÎÐ]

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The popular girl told me "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!" Two weeks later, She shows up pregnant.

… I guess her rubber broke too

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Me: Do you like smash? Friend: Smash Rolls? Me: No, Smash DEEZ NUTS! Friend: AHHHHH (*moans)

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A pirate walks into a bar and has a ship’s wheel in his pants. The bartender asks, “What’s with the wheel in your pants?” The pirate replies, “Yarrr! It’s drivin’ me nuts!”

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In school, we learned that squirrels stick their nuts in trees. So, just like my uncle dave…

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My best friend got ligma (ah did he, sorry bro) LIGMA BALLS

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I nutted on the wall, call that a walnut.

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Nutted in her braces, now my kids are behind bars.

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What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?..a busted nut.

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A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders. As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, “I’ll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me

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I tried to come up with a funny pun about squirrels, but all my ideas were nuts

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What did the bread say to the peanut butter? I think your nuts

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What did one nut say to the other? Ignore the guy in the middle. He’s a d!ck.

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