Priest jokes

What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? - Their balls are just for decoration.

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Roast: What is the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus? One is hairy and smells like fish and the other is a walrus. Your welcome What is the difference between a Catholic priest and Acne? – Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.

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What is different about priests and acne. Acne waits until your 13 to cum on your face

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A priest and a pedophile walk into a bar. The bar tender says “Hey Jim!”

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A priest is drowning in a river… A boat comes along and asks to help him. He says “leave me alone, god will save me.” The next day another boat came along and asked to help him. Again he said "leave me alone, god will save me. " The next day the last boat came and asked to help him. Once again he told the boat that god will save him. The next day he died. He went to heaven and asked god "why didn’t you save me. " God said "I sent you three f*****ing boats and you didn’t take them! "

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A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet. One day, the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet with her son. Inside the closet, the little boy says, “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” “Yes it is,” the man replies. “You wanna buy a baseball?” the little boy

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I hated church growing up as a child, it was always standing, kneeling, sitting, standing, kneeling, sitting. I wish the priest would just pick a position and f*** me!

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A little girl beinng Girl: “Forgive me Father for I have sinned” Priest: “What did you do Child?” Girl: “I called a man a son of a bitch.” Priest: “Why did you call him a son of a bitch?” Girl: “Because he touched my hand.” Priest: “Like this?” (as he touches her hand) Girl: “Yes father.” Priest: “That’s no reason to call a man a son of a bitch.” Girl: “Then he touched my breast.” Priest: “Like this?” (as he touched her breast) Girl: “Yes father.” Priest: “That’s no reason to call him a son of a bitch.” Girl: “Then he took off my clothes, father.” Priest: “Like this?” (as he takes off her clothes) Girl: “Yes father.” Priest: “That’s no reason to call him a son of a bitch.” Girl: “Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where.” Priest: “Like this?” (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where) Girl: “YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!” Priest: (after a few minutes): “That’s no reason to call him a son of a bitch. ” Girl: “But father he had AIDS!” Priest: “THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!”

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What is a reverse exorcism? It is when the Devil tries to pull a priest out of a child.

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