Priest jokes

Father O’Reilly ran into a young woman whose mother attended his church at the market. “Ah Mary Agnes, congratulations!” She gave him a puzzled look. “on what?” “Your mother tells me you’ve been praying to St. Gerard and finally got pregnant, it’s a miracle.” Mary Agnes sighed. “My mother needs to get hearing aids if she’s going to eavesdrop on my phone calls to friends. I said it’ll be a miracle if I get pregnant since the only thing I’m f@cking is a St. Bernard.”

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Why did Rolf Harris meet underage kids? To tie his kangaroo down sport

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What is a priests favorite song? – Magic flute in A minor

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What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? - Their balls are just for decoration.

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A wise man once said, "don’t think young, think tight" He was priest.

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A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet. One day, the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet with her son. Inside the closet, the little boy says, “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” “Yes it is,” the man replies. “You wanna buy a baseball?” the little boy

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Why do priests appreciate educated children? They don’t spit.

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What’s the difference between a priest and target? Nothing, they both have children’s pants half off.

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what type of meat do priests eat on good friday? Nun

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Roast: What is the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus? One is hairy and smells like fish and the other is a walrus. Your welcome What is the difference between a Catholic priest and Acne? – Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.

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They should add an eleventh commandment to the Bible: Thou shalt not f… altar boys

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What do catholic priests and JCPennys have in common? Little boys pants half off.

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What do you call a sex offender attending church? A priest

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A little girl beinng Girl: “Forgive me Father for I have sinned” Priest: “What did you do Child?” Girl: “I called a man a son of a bitch.” Priest: “Why did you call him a son of a bitch?” Girl: “Because he touched my hand.” Priest: “Like this?” (as he touches her hand) Girl: “Yes father.” Priest: “That’s no reason to call a man a son of a bitch.” Girl: “Then he touched my breast.” Priest: “Like this?” (as he touched her breast) Girl: “Yes father.” Priest: “That’s no reason to call him a son of a bitch.” Girl: “Then he took off my clothes, father.” Priest: “Like this?” (as he takes off her clothes) Girl: “Yes father.” Priest: “That’s no reason to call him a son of a bitch.” Girl: “Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where.” Priest: “Like this?” (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where) Girl: “YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!” Priest: (after a few minutes): “That’s no reason to call him a son of a bitch. ” Girl: “But father he had AIDS!” Priest: “THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!”

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What do you call an orphan who grows up and becomes a priest? Father Les.

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