What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer? A Father in law
What’s the difference between a priest and a rabbi, the rabbi cuts it off the the priest sucks it off
Father O’Reilly ran into a young woman whose mother attended his church at the market. “Ah Mary Agnes, congratulations!” She gave him a puzzled look. “on what?” “Your mother tells me you’ve been praying to St. Gerard and finally got pregnant, it’s a miracle.” Mary Agnes sighed. “My mother needs to get hearing aids if she’s going to eavesdrop on my phone calls to friends. I said it’ll be a miracle if I get pregnant since the only thing I’m f@cking is a St. Bernard.”
What do you call a reverse exorsism. It’s where a demon pulls a priest out of a child
What’s the difference between a peanut and a priest? With a peanut, you have to break the shell open for the nut to come out.
What’s the opposite of an exorcism? It’s when Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child.
what does a Catholic Priest and a commercial from the 80s have in common they both ask people “WHERES THE MEAT!”
A priest is drowning in a river… A boat comes along and asks to help him. He says “leave me alone, god will save me.” The next day another boat came along and asked to help him. Again he said "leave me alone, god will save me. " The next day the last boat came and asked to help him. Once again he told the boat that god will save him. The next day he died. He went to heaven and asked god "why didn’t you save me. " God said "I sent you three f*****ing boats and you didn’t take them! "
What did the choir boy sing to the priest? Nothing his mouth was full.
What does a priest and a clown have in common? They both make children cry
What to gift a child molester , who already has everything ? A bigger county with more believers
Man walks up to a priest. The man says “I am Jesus Christ.” The priest says “No you are not my son.” The man says " Follow me. " The man walks into the bar and the bartender says “Jesus Christ your back!”
What do you call an orphan who grows up to become a priest? Father les.
There’s a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard, the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young nerd. The doctor says, “People need me for my medical skills.” grabs the first parachute pack, and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, “People need me for my intelligence.” grabs a pack, and jumps. The old priest says, “I have lived a long and happy life. You take the last chute.” The nerd says, “Don’t worry. There are enough chutes for the both of us. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack.”
Why do priests like kids in wheelchairs? - Because they can’t run.
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