Priest jokes

What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer?

A Father in law

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A Muslim is about to commit suicide when a Catholic priest stops him “What are you doing?!” Exclaims the priest

“There is nothing on this Earth for me.” The Muslim says “I will commit suicide to go to paradise and get 72 virgins!”

The priest shakes his head

“Foolish Muslim, suicide is not the way! ” He says

“Follow me, Ill take you to the local primary school.”

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What’s the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.

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A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet. One day, the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet with her son. Inside the closet, the little boy says, “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” “Yes it is,” the man replies. “You wanna buy a baseball?” the little boy

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Have you heard of the new sequel to “the exorcist”?

A woman hires the devil to get a priest out of her son

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A priest and a nun are traveling across the desert on a camel and when all the sudden the camel dies. They’re in the middle of the desert with no hope of rescue when that night the priest thinks to himself that he can’t die a virgin. He looks over at the nun and pulls out his penis. The nun says father what is that? He says this sister is the wand of life. The nun says good, now go stick it in that camels ass and let’s get the hell outa here!

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What do priest and doctors have in common?

They both do physicals on kids.

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What does a priest and a wristwatch have in common?

— they both start at 12.

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The worst part about church is that you’re constantly switching between sitting, standing and kneeling; I mean, why can’t the priest just pick a position and f**k me already!

A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, “Any last requests? ” “Yes,” replied the murderer, “Will you please hold my hand?”

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A priest and a pedophile walk into a bar. The bar tender says “Hey Jim!”

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Why do priests appreciate educated children? They don’t spit.

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A wise man once said, "don’t think young, think tight" He was priest.

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Whats similar between a priest and McDonalds?

They both shove their meat inbetween 10 year old buns

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A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning church and the Priest says “what about the children” the rabbi says “f@ck the children” and the Priest says "do you think we’ll have time

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What does a Catholic Priest and a commercial from the 80s have in common they both ask people “WHERES THE MEAT!”

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