Where did the cat go when it lost it’s tail? – To the retail store!
I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. – I lost my case.
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent. There’s a movie about constipation. It hasn’t come out yet.
How do trees get online? – They just log in.
I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.
I was addicted to the hokey pokey… but thankfully, I turned myself around.
What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? – Well, the flag is a big plus.
I went for a job interview today and the manager said, “We’re looking for someone who is responsible.” “Well, I’m your man.” I replied, “In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”
Will glass coffins be a success? – Remains to be seen.
My boyfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much. what a stupid thing to Fallout 4.
I’m the champion of this site I fight with the ten rings and ten fists of the legendary buddah. Now for my joke… Why does Peter pan always fly? Because he neverlands…
RIP boiling water. You will be mist. There was a guy who got his entire left side cut off. Don’t worry, he is all right now.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.” Watson replied, “I see millions of stars.” “What does that tell you?” Watson pondered for a minute. “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.” “Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.” “Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.” “Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant.” “Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.” “What does it tell you, Holmes?” Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: “Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!”
I named my dog 5-Miles so now I tell people I walk 5-Miles everyday
My cow just wandered into a field of marijuana. The steaks have never been so high…
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