What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? – Well, the flag is a big plus.
I bought a wooden whistle. But it wooden whistle. so I bought a steel whistle. But it steel wooden whistle. So I bought a lead whistle. But it steel wooden lead me whistle.
Why was the ocean so blue? Because the island never waved back.
What do you call it when a midget waves at you? A microwave
The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar… It was tense.
How does a fish always know how much they weigh? – Because they have their own scales.
I was addicted to the hokey pokey… but thankfully, I turned myself around.
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. – A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? – One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards? A receding hare line. How do you cut ancient Rome in half? With a pair of Caesars.
I’m the champion of this site I fight with the ten rings and ten fists of the legendary buddah. Now for my joke… Why does Peter pan always fly? Because he neverlands…
A prisoner was told how he’ll be executed. Needless to say, he was shocked.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.” Watson replied, “I see millions of stars.” “What does that tell you?” Watson pondered for a minute. “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.” “Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.” “Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.” “Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant.” “Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.” “What does it tell you, Holmes?” Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: “Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!”
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent. There’s a movie about constipation. It hasn’t come out yet.
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