What do you call an alligator with a vest? An investigator.
Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, “What kind of music do you like?” – The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
I wanted to make a belt out of watches, then I realized, it was a waist of time!
a mexican was doing a magic trick he said “uno, dos,” then disappeared without a trace
How does a fish always know how much they weigh? – Because they have their own scales.
I told the doctor I didn’t want a brain surgery. But he changed my mind.
Q: What did the drunk emo say to the bartender? A: Nothing! He was hung over. My sister thinks shes so smart, shes said onions are the only food that makes you cry So I threw a coconut at her
Have you ever tried eating a clock? It’s really time-consuming, especially if you go for seconds.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.” Watson replied, “I see millions of stars.” “What does that tell you?” Watson pondered for a minute. “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.” “Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.” “Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.” “Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant.” “Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.” “What does it tell you, Holmes?” Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: “Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!”
If drinking alcohol makes you an alcoholic, does drinking fanta make you fantastic?
I would tell you a construction pun, but I’m still working on it
I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.
A prisoner was told how he’ll be executed. Needless to say, he was shocked.
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. – A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
I was addicted to the hokey pokey… but thankfully, I turned myself around.
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