I was addicted to the hokey pokey… but thankfully, I turned myself around.
I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. – I lost my case.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.
I’ve just been fired from the clock making factory after all those extra hours I put in.
Do you want to hear a money joke? Never mind it makes no cents
Why doesn’t the Sun go to college? – Because it has a million degrees.
If trees could kill you, they wood.
How do trees get online? – They just log in.
Will glass coffins be a success? – Remains to be seen.
I went for a job interview today and the manager said, “We’re looking for someone who is responsible.” “Well, I’m your man.” I replied, “In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”
I accidentally drank a little food colouring last night. I ended up dying inside.
“Doctor, there’s a patient on line 1 that says he’s invisible” “Well, tell him I can’t see him right now.”
Some people think prison is one word…but to robbers it’s a whole sentence
New Teslas don’t come with a new car smell they come with an Elon Musk
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