I Googled “How to start a Wildfire”. I got 48,500 matches.
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
What do you call an alligator with a vest? An investigator.
If you’re waiting for the waiter at a restaurant, aren’t you the waiter?
Dont trust atoms they make up everything.
What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards? A receding hare line. How do you cut ancient Rome in half? With a pair of Caesars.
A prisoner was told how he’ll be executed. Needless to say, he was shocked.
How does a fish always know how much they weigh? – Because they have their own scales.
Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? – It was a grave mistake.
I wanted to make a belt out of watches, then I realized, it was a waist of time!
Why was the ocean so blue? Because the island never waved back.
How does Moses prepare his tea? – Hebrews it.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.” Watson replied, “I see millions of stars.” “What does that tell you?” Watson pondered for a minute. “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.” “Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.” “Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.” “Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant.” “Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.” “What does it tell you, Holmes?” Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: “Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!”
Last night I had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. I guess it was just a Fanta sea!
Will glass coffins be a success? – Remains to be seen.
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