Puns jokes

“Doctor, there’s a patient on line 1 that says he’s invisible” “Well, tell him I can’t see him right now.”

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I’ve never worn my gay sweater, it hasn’t come out of the closet yet

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Why did the library book go to the doctor? – It needed to be checked out.

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My cow just wandered into a field of marijuana. The steaks have never been so high…

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My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles’ elbow.

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What does a spy do when he’s cold? He goes under cover.

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I once ate a watch. It was time consuming.

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If i’m the night guard at the Samsung store, does that make me a… guardian of the galaxy?

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My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.

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Last night I had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. I guess it was just a Fanta sea!

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RIP boiling water. You will be mist. There was a guy who got his entire left side cut off. Don’t worry, he is all right now.

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I told the doctor I didn’t want a brain surgery. But he changed my mind.

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What do you call an alligator with a vest? An investigator.

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There was a kidnapping at school… Don?t worry, he woke up.

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I accidentally drank a little food colouring last night. I ended up dying inside.

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