I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
A prisoner was told how he’ll be executed. Needless to say, he was shocked.
My boyfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much. what a stupid thing to Fallout 4.
Why did the gym close down? – It just didn’t work out.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? – It was a grave mistake.
I bought a wooden whistle. But it wooden whistle. so I bought a steel whistle. But it steel wooden whistle. So I bought a lead whistle. But it steel wooden lead me whistle.
I’d tell a sodium and hydrogen pun, but NaH
I Googled “How to start a Wildfire”. I got 48,500 matches.
I’ve never worn my gay sweater, it hasn’t come out of the closet yet
Do you know how to make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
Why was the ocean so blue? Because the island never waved back.
There was a kidnapping at school… Don?t worry, he woke up.
My cow just wandered into a field of marijuana. The steaks have never been so high…
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.” Watson replied, “I see millions of stars.” “What does that tell you?” Watson pondered for a minute. “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.” “Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.” “Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.” “Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant.” “Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.” “What does it tell you, Holmes?” Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: “Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!”
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